The road not taken

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert frost-

In this journey, I observe so many different things along my way. I meet different people; some smile and greet me, thus becoming my travel partner, some used to travel together with me but then they have to choose different road, one had reached destination and end up the journey earlier, some just come and go, and some promise to stay with me till the end of this journey. I can't be more grateful that I've met such wonderful people and sharing wonderful moments. They are family, friends and special friend to me that once coming into my life, they will never be erased from this memory.

Back then in 2010, I have made the most biggest decision in my life, to choose which roads to be traveled next when I found they diverged in the middle. One seemed to lead to a very beautiful place with so many people took it, but the less traveled one was surrounded with bushes and thorns. It was the most difficult moment in my life. Knowing the fact that once I have chosen a road, I can't go back to square one, turn around and choose the other road. Finally, I can't believe myself that I have decided to take the less traveled road. People make crazy decision sometimes, but I knew that I will never regret my decision. Because I do believe that each roads have their own obstacles. They may showered with flowers and sunlight at the beginning but as we travel along it, it's only the matter of time when we will meet the rain and storm. So, I have decided to continue my study and no matter what it takes I will break a leg to hold a PhD. I can't deny that sometimes I keep questioning myself why am I choosing this way because I haven't seen any lights. However, I have a strong faith that it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise, InsyaAllah.

So, now I take a deep breath and walk through the door of another new chapter, with butterflies in my stomach, wondering will this new year bring me more laughs, loves and wonderful people?Will it showered with sunlight and rainbow or will it still be storm and thunder?

Am I a frog??

I can say that television is damn important today. Despite all disadvantages of how tv influences kids and etcetera, I think tv is the best medium for spreading knowledge (or gossip) and current issues that happen in this world. Gosh, I feel just like katak bawah tempurung, when people are talking about the current hot match; Malaysia vs Indonesia and all I can do is just be a very good listener which off course I don't have any points to interrupt. Plus, tomorrow is announced as public holiday due to our victory in that Piala Suzuki and guess what, I just knew it a day later! Arrgh.. I don't want to be an outdated person. I wanna go out of the tempurung. Can anyone lift that up from me? (means buy me a tv please..hehe)

A lost..

There will be a moment in life, when we are unable to spill out words in mind, when we want to say the last word so bad, but we can't talk, like our tongue is being paralyzed. At that moment, all we can do is just staring helplessly at the faces of our beloved, knowing the fact that we are now facing the inevitable death.

Last weekend, I had lost my grandma. She who was once walking with me in this journey of life, was now gone forever. Deep in my heart, I felt a true lost, lost of someone that I love. I had never felt this way before. Until now, I can still clearly see the moment of her soul separated from the body, like it has been captured in my mind. I can still feel the sadness, the quiet space, gloomy and empty.

My grandma was hospitalized 4 days before that, she had a high fever. She begged my mom to bring her home, maybe she knew that she will go soon. But she needed to be examined and treated. Two days later, she can't speak anymore, she became weaker and depended on the oxygen mask. That was the day when I got a call from my sister, I packed immediately and bought a ticket to Kedah. Just after I reached hometown, I went straight to hospital. Pool of tears formed in my eyes, as soon as I looked at her, laying weakly on the bed. She hardly breathed, and sometimes she opened her eyes, and struggled to speak to her daughters and sons but she was too weak to talk. Only the tears dripped from her eye. I could imagined that how badly she wanted to say her very last words to her daughters and sons, to convey her very last mom's advice and to say I love you for the very last time.

On that cloudy Sunday, we decided to bring her home, as the doctor said there's no room of hope anymore. As soon as she was lifted from the ambulance, as soon as the breathing oxygen was cut, she breathed heavily. My aunt whispered syahadah to her ear. And her breath became slower and slower until it was finally disappear. She wasn't breathing anymore, her body went stiff, just like sleeping. I can saw there were faces of hope in everyone, hoping that she just went to sleep. No one seemed to believed that she was gone. And my uncle woke us all up, "Mak dah tak dak dah ni. Mak dah tak dak.." (mom has gone). Sobbing and tears broke the silence.

That was the first time I ever witnessed a death, a death of someone I loved so much, someone I grew with. And it seemed easy, but only she knew the pain. The pain that can never be felt by any lived person. It make me realize, convince me, that everything except the Almighty Allah, will perish. Dear grandma, I prayed that you will be counted amongst the Companions of the Right. Your journey of life had ended and I, still travelling in this world of challenges hoping that one day I will end up this journey with a good ending.


In memory during my convocation day (Tok, Hathiah bt Hamzah, 1941-2010)

p/s: InsyaAllah by Maher Zain, a tribute to my grandma, she once loved this song :'(

Aaaaarrgggghhh!

Relax..cool..relax..easy..easy..breath in..and breath out..huhh!!

I hate this feeling..feel like I want to scream to everyone..sorry for those who has been affected. The devil has conquered my body. My sister has bought the linguaphone, something that had to do with learning English by listening, something like that, costing rm2000++ (and it has to be paid rm100++ per month for 19 month!) and she was just regretting that and it can't be cancelled anymore coz she's already received the materials. Gosh!! What she has been thinking? Are you that rich to afford something like that? Come on, our dad is only a rubber tapper remember! What, you think that you have a brother and a sister that can help you paying for that? Please, I'd rather buying you a laptop than paying that stupid thing. I don't believe that you can effectively learn English by listening. There's many other methods out there, why choosing that? I know, you're in learning process, learn to manage your own life, your own money and to make your own decision. I understand that, but I can't help feeling angry. I will attack the sale person, seriously, but I can't, and you're the victim..Remember dear, next time, never ever believe in sale person anymore. They will always sweet talk and promise this and that to you just to increase their sale. I bet they never intend to actually help you improving your language. Please, think wisely. Don't get easily influenced by that.

p/s: To my sister..Sorry dear, you bring this up at the wrong time..I was suffering from lack of glucose (due to fasting) and it all ended up with my babbling. I've never been that angry, I've never scolded you before..I know..I'm sorry..I was just out of limit..And I'm regretting it now..sorry for my harsh words.. Now I have to think the solution of this problem..plus my own never-ending problems at lab..*sigh*..

Alive!

Another boring day..Thank Allah I'm still alive..Starting the day by grabbing anything to eat for breakfast. And, luckily there's some bread, expired bread actually. Well, who cares the due date..As long as there's no fungi forming its colony on the bread's surface, so just assuming it still can be eaten. Two pieces of expired bread plus a bottle of milk, enough for making my breakfast in front of the computer.




Guess what is in the pic below? This may be a fungi species, I captured it growing on an agar plate in my lab. Pretty isn't it, forming colonies like galaxy or something. Well, I'm not that stingy to eat expired bread if they are contaminated this way. Only if I'm starving to death. Who knows, maybe one day there's war in our land like Gaza and that's the only thing that available to eat. I'm not hoping or praying for that. No no..it just pop up in my mind. hehe..



p/s: Gonna be busy today preparing detailed progress slides to my supervisor.

I wanna SING OUT LOUD!!!!

This boredom is killing me! Seriously it will kill me! Have nobody to talk to, no tv to watch, and I just feel like talking to anything near me and singing out loud. I've done with cleaning up the house, till nothing more needs to be cleaned of. I've cooked and finished up the whole meals that probably supposed for 3 persons and now I hate looking at my big tummy..ugh..suddenly I regretted that I ate more than usual just because I have nothing to do. I have called mom too, and my sister. It did kill the boredom once, but then just after I hung up, there's the silence again..I'm going crazy if this continues for another day or two.. If you guys really think that you can live alone, without friends, family, or anyone surround you, I guess you're just wrong. We need someone to talk to, someone to be your quarrel partner, or maybe your crying shoulder and yes suddenly I just forget why there's nobody bothering me while I sleep (well, somebody in the house, can't sleep if she hears some weird noise coz she will always imagine thieves are breaking in our house, whatever). Now I stuck up in this house while everybody's going back to their hometown. I don't feel like going to lab either, because I've loads of works that need me to stay until the night. So, I rather do it Monday so there's someone can stay with me. What can I think all this while is, if I happened to have a car, I will absolutely go out watching movie and shopping..oh..heaven!

I want to go to London!

There it is. This absolutely will be the next on my dream list. I want to go to London sooo bad! "Prof, can I go with you, pleasee..." If only I can beg my supervisor to follow him to IMPERIAL COLLEGE next week, I will! (why in capital?hehe..) I will do whatever he will ask me to do. Well, I had promised him to do refolding last week while he's on leave but I broke that promise! oh crap! How will I face him tomorrow.."err prof, I have some problem with my expression last week. My bacteria turned red in color, which means it might be contaminated with other bacteria. So I can't proceed with my refolding." Pretty convincing excuse eh. Hasmaliana, wake up! Don't even dream of asking that. You haven't got any active protein, you couldn't even finish the work your supervisor was asking for (yet), so better save it to yourself..(sigh!)

So, currently, I'm reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It's all begin after I watched the movie on cinema, and you know there's 2 parts of it. At first, I thought I can be patient waiting for part 2, showing on July next year. But everyone started to be curious and eager to know what will happen next. Until everyone in my lab starting to read the novel, and tell me the rest of the story. So, there's no patience anymore. I started reading it, and I can't help to become addict to it. And I can tell that reading the book while imagining as I am in their world (magic world) is way more fascinating. If you want to experience what I'm having now, read it! I insist!

My new second brand of heroin, off course the journal is the first (or is it other way around??hehe)

Enough with the dreams. Lets back to the real world. Uhuh, one more thing, do you know that I'm falling in love with Eugene Fitzherbert?


Gosh! He's totally gorgeous. Isn't he? Well, dreaming again..I know..sorry readers, I have no idea why I keep daydreaming lately..ok ok..that's it..that's it..full stop! (but I really want you guys to know that I really into him. haha..I'm crazy! Anyway, two thumbs up for Rapunzel!)

Lots of things happened last week, which have taught me that friendship isn't always perfect, but the misunderstanding and argument actually make it sweeter. It makes you know your friend better, yes, it really. And that actually bring two friends more closer (Seoul, 2010). And what most important is, it will always colour your journey of life.

p/s: Why I want to go to London so badly? Because..because..because of you ♥ =)