The list

Finally the date is set. I feel relieve on one side, yet on the other side I literally feel that I'm not quite ready for this. Scared, worried, happy, sad, excited, I can't describe my feeling right now, it's all mixed up causing this pressure build up in my head. So many things to do on this restricted period of time, and I hope that I can stand the pressure till the time comes. But one thing that keeps disturbing me, causing me feel uneasy all this while; will I survive in that environment which is far more challenging? Can I give them the best first impression of this group? It's like I will be carrying heavy loads of all trust and hope from the group. It is a massive responsibility, and I can't simply take it easy, never at all.

I'm hoping that this last few weeks are lively and memorable for me. And I'll absolutely be enjoying all hours, minutes and seconds to the fullest. Like be kind to all my friends, cooking them food, appreciating all their kindness, won't start a war, laugh more, cry less, eat as much as I can, go shopping till the purse empty, capture the view of every corners in the LAB and many more which I'm not sure will I have enough time for all of that. So now, I'm making the lists of important things to do and that list makes me feel even worst! urghh.. Maybe I'm worried too much. Hope everything's gonna be fine.

p/s: thanks for helping me making the list. it really helps :)

Towards a dream!

As I write this, I'm laying on my bed listening to Delta Goodrem's songs blast at me through the headphone. What a lazy day, I call it no-purpose day, as for example, today I go to Jusco with my house mates looking for anything to buy. So, apparently, we walk and walk until we find something to buy. Then we end up at the shoes compartment and guess what, we're all buying the same sandals, only different in colors. And then, my room mate (k.tim) suggests, "lets make it a present to ourselves." Just so you know the mall offering free wrapping service, so we ask the worker to wrap it all. What a crazy idea. Oh, there's a funny thing happens while we're waiting the worker, somehow k.tim says, "yeay, I got a present from myself!" very excitedly and just as loud as for a man beside us to hear that, and then he gives us kinda weird look and finally smirks. He must be thinking that we are sort of out of mind, buying ourselves present. Then we just ignore him, like, who cares! hahaha..

So recently, I've been keep repeating Delta Goodrem's songs and my head has been spinning with it since. I'm kind of easily fascinated to singers that play piano in their songs. Like Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles, Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, Westlife's You Raised Me Up, Written In The Stars and many others. I just can't help to admiring their piano skills and I always dream that someday I could play it. Then, it was one day on last week, it triggered something in me, an idea of how I can start learning piano without going to class (which may require a little of a PhD-student's time) nor buying a keyboard so I could practice playing (which will require some big amount of money). And the idea was; through VIRTUAL PIANO! *ting* the idea came just like that. Why it never came out of my mind before. But actually the idea came after I watch a YouTube video where they were playing songs using the Google Doodle Guitar. So, I was curious, if there's virtual guitar, there might have virtual piano too! Never mind. It's better late than never right. So I started playing the simple songs for beginners like Happy Birthday, Brother John, Twinkle Twinkle and I can't help feeling so excited that finally I'm now on my first step towards that dream! But playing with virtual piano is a little bit difficult though, as you need to remember which keys on the keyboards represent the notes, but I don't mind, as long as I can play it! hehe..

p/s: I've always wanted to learn how to play the piano and read sheet music so I can play my favorite songs.

Unconditional love

They say, a mother's love is the greatest, beyond any comparison. It is unconditional and forever. I learn that while I grow up, but I have never really contemplated how great my mother's love to me until last week. For the first time in my life, I realized that if that kind of love doesn't ever exist in this world, there's no way I could stand where I am today.

The school holiday has just begun, so I took the chance to go back home again, although I just went home on two weeks before. The desire to meet my family this time was driving me mad actually. I don't know why, do human often get homesick as we get older? I'm not so sure bout that either, but I'm really sure that it happens to me. So, this time the house was quite noisy as everyone were there, except my brother and his family. It was like the other night, we sat together having dinner except that we still continuously chatting although each plates were already empty. Cause we talked about very interesting topic, which like flashing back of our childhood memories. Everyone had their own story, like my younger brother, he cried at all days of his first week at school refusing to enter the classroom, instead begging the teacher to sit with his sister in her class. And my sister, she fell of from her bicycle into a big drain which left her a permanent scar on her chin that remain until today. After that, my mom told a story of mine. A story that I nearly forget. She told me, how hard it was back then to make me go to school. Every morning, she had to wake me up at least an hour (I think) before I woke up. Then, she had to drag me up to the bathroom, bathed me while I was keep knocking her hand aside from pouring the water to me (and that caused my mom's clothes all wet too). Then, she wore me the school uniform, and while wearing me my socks, I kept kicking as a way of protesting cause I really didn't wanna go to school. And she said, as I cried, my mom cried too. When she told me that, I feel like wanna cry badly. All those memories were slowly coming back into my head along with others. And slowly I realized that how bad me as a daughter, did that to my mother. I feel like I want to go back on those time and change everything. Or at least, count how much pains that I hurt my mother, how many tears that she had cried, cause I want to hurt myself back the same pains and cry the same liter of tears. But I can never do that. I know that I can never make it all right.

I don't want to make her cry anymore. It's all enough, all the pain that she had been through, I will never let her go through again. It's a MOTHER'S LOVE, is why we are here today. Sometimes when we have succeed in life, we forget that behind the success there is a soft hands that have always supported us when we are about to fall down, a wrinkled face that has always threw a soothing smile when we're having a difficult time, and a best friend that always be there for us.

p/s: when I become a mother, will I be as strong as her? As patient, as determine and as loving as her?