collecting jar of words

Hey people. Its been a while right, how's it going? I wasn't feeling so well last week, so the driving force for writing in here was ZERO. And now, I feel like writing again, cause this is the only thing that keep me alive and wake me up from this long long sleep. Haven't written for these few days was long enough for making me feels like DEAD. Actually I can't believe it myself, probably because I never take writing blog very seriously. But after all, I might re-think that writing is actually something that instead of just for fun and maybe a way for keeping my friends up to date with what's going on in me, it is something that refreshing my mind and may be I can say as a way of conveying my feelings and ideas. Then, there's a feeling, a positive one, that comes when I click on the 'publish post' button. It's kind of satisfaction or relief I guess. Yeah. Correct. Now I'm falling in love with writing! haha.. freak!

The first thing that I was hoping for when I arrived in Australia was, I don't wanna get sick. So, I made the first two weeks up with very excellent health, though my room mate got flu, my antibody done a great job killing those antigens. However, when all people in the house started to get infected, means that the antigens were now growing into a huge strong group of army soldiers until my antibody were lost in the battle field. So, I sickly sick and lab works were crap cause my head had been spinning like 13000rpm at 4deg. But alhamdulillah, now I'm getting better cause I took the pills. Yeay! For the first time in my life, I took the medicine without hesitate. (p/s: that will only happen if I am in the other continent, far from family + don't wanna waste dollars on hospital bill).

Been tested with sickness actually makes me realize that I own nothing in this world. And because of that, it makes me think and think, am I grateful enough for the gifts that have been showered to me? Sometimes there are times that I don't actually think, or remember all that I have ain't actually mine. But when one of them is taken, even for a sec, then we'll naturally be waken up. That's the beauty of Allah's way of testing us, not to make us suffer instead to wake us up and obviously shows that He loves us. I'm grateful that I'm a muslim, because we know what is our ultimate aim. And when we are suddenly off the right path, He will show us the way. Only it will depend on us, ignore the sign, then you will be astray.

p/s: love the barakah of Ramadhan.

The contrary

In Australia, I notice a lot of things that is wayyy different from my country:

1. Drivers will responsibly stop their car if they see you want to cross at the zebra. So, apparently it's safe to cross the road without looking at the right and left and right again, as long as it's on a zebra cross ~ I will definitely have to change the habit after going back to Malaysia.

2. People will greet you whenever you are making transaction with them (eg at the bank, cafe, stores, even the cashier will ask 'how're you doing today') ~ a little bit awkward at first, like, err do I need to answer that to the perfect strangers?

3. Birds and cats here are so BIG ~ I feel like wanna catch and bring them home.

4. No wild cats or dogs are left wandering on the streets ~ never see one.

5. You can find a tree with nothing left but only branches, or a tree with only the fruits left. And they're so beautiful.

6. You can't throw the rubbish just like that, you need to separate things that are reusable and recyclable from the things that are non.

7. Foods left on the table during winter won't spoil even for a week! ~ so, save your time and energy by cooking for a week..hehe..

8. Smokes coming out from your mouth when you speak ~ excited at first..hehe

9. Lots of chocolates!! Cheap and taste great!

10. Kissing couple in public (even in the campus)..errk!

And in the lab:

1. All standard buffers are prepared by the technician and you just have to pick up a bottle and pour it and use it. ~ what? I feel so excited to go to the lab everyday, and finish my PhD.

2. You won't need to wash the used glass apparatus cause there will be somebody clean up for you. Put your dirty lab coat in the right place and they will do laundry for you. ~ heaven! they even have a 'labmaid'

3. You will be given a lab coat, a bench, a set of pipette and an office desk with computer (except for us) ~ I can offer myself to work forever at lab like this!

4. Lab manager will do all the ordering for you ~ frequent cases of fighting with suppliers can be avoided.

5. Order a set of pipette today, will receive it tomorrow!

6. Falcon tubes, weighing boats are thrown away after used ~ what a waste! I want to collect it all and bring it to my lab.

Wayyyy too different doesn't it? Now I know it's true that we will discover and learn so many things as we travel the world.

At my favorite spot. Love the trees :)

Nerve-wracking moment

We have been facing many first time moments in our lives and for me it is always a nerve-wracking moment though it is full of curiosity. And tomorrow, I'll be facing another first time moment in my life, but the feeling is totally different this time cause I'm facing it in a different country, with different culture and people. I'm a little bit afraid when thinking about working with people in here, can I cope with their way of working? And one thing that I'm most afraid of is can I understand what they are talking? Because from my experience for the past 5 days communicating with Australians (during custom checking, when making payment at the mall, when opening a bank account etc.) It's quite hard to understand their accent, cause they talk so fast that I can't catch the words. Then it would be so shame to say pardon all the time, all over again *sigh*. I really hope that this will past over time.

So tomorrow will be my first time at school, maybe at the lab too, and I'm kind of excited too when dreaming that I want to solve my research problem here, InsyaAllah. I'm hoping that my research will progress faster, and that dream is the only reason that I'm looking forward to go to the lab tomorrow :)

p/s: Ya Allah, mudahkan urusan kami...

Australia

It's been a while since my last post in here. Lots of things came up for the last few weeks. My life have been so hassle and everything just happened so quickly. And now, I can't even believe myself that at this moment, as I write this, I'm here in Australia! I feel like I'm dreaming. What? Aussie? Am I really here? yeah.. I'm here..

So, what had happened last week, I got a phone call telling that the 16th airplane ticket was sold out. We have only 2 choices, whether to board earlier which on 12th or later which on 25th. Then my supervisor encouraged me to go on the 12th. What? I was told on 7th and I have to board the plane in the next 5 days? First thing to do is cry! Oh crap, how am I gonna face this. I'm not ready yet. I just have 5 days to settle everything. You know at that moment, I'm so grateful that I have friends that couldn't be more understanding. They helped me out as much as they could. I owe my roomate, kak tim, who has been spending all day accompanying me to make the travellers cheque, though she's so tired and at the end of the day the mission was not accomplished. I owe Nuar for driving me to uptown to buy winter jackets. And I owe my best friend Fizah for helping me sending my samples to Monash University, I know that's the biggest help of all and I owe you the biggest. Thanks to my lab mates for helping Fizah with the courier process. I don't know how to thank all of you. I love you all!

On 9th, I packed, I put just everything in the bag cause I have no time actually to think about the weight. Then, the night I boarded plane to hometown, my bag was overweight, 10kg than allowed. And I have to pay RM300 for that! WHAT! Oh my god, that was the first time ever happened. My head have been so messy and I'm tired and I want all of this to end. I have no idea, and I just paid it. That was a really big waste, but I don't want to think about it anymore. At least I have my friends at that time, Kak Iza, Kak Atul, Kak Tim, Kak Faiz, Fizah and Laura that sent me to the airport. Thank you guys, you made me forgot about the wasted money on the bags.

So, Australia. Can't say more about it yet. I'm in the middle of adapting to the culture, people and off course weather. One thing I can say, it's COOOLD! I'll be freezing to death if there's no heater in this room. And I'm so grateful that I met Kak Naz, whose allowing us to stay in her house which is very perfect! I have no idea how we're gonna find a room if we didn't meet you. And it's so fun to have your adorable 2 years old daughter around the house, she's darn cute!

It's a long first entry in Australia I guest. haha. So guys, who read my post, please pray for me. Hope everything's going well here, especially my lab works. Little bit nervous to think of my new supervisor which is very very strict person. huhu. As my supervisor said, I'm coming here as representative to mosti and MGI, so it is very important to show the best first good impression to them and I know that is the biggest responsibility that I ever take in my life. And I will try my best, insyaAllah. So, photos are coming soon in the next entry :)

The list

Finally the date is set. I feel relieve on one side, yet on the other side I literally feel that I'm not quite ready for this. Scared, worried, happy, sad, excited, I can't describe my feeling right now, it's all mixed up causing this pressure build up in my head. So many things to do on this restricted period of time, and I hope that I can stand the pressure till the time comes. But one thing that keeps disturbing me, causing me feel uneasy all this while; will I survive in that environment which is far more challenging? Can I give them the best first impression of this group? It's like I will be carrying heavy loads of all trust and hope from the group. It is a massive responsibility, and I can't simply take it easy, never at all.

I'm hoping that this last few weeks are lively and memorable for me. And I'll absolutely be enjoying all hours, minutes and seconds to the fullest. Like be kind to all my friends, cooking them food, appreciating all their kindness, won't start a war, laugh more, cry less, eat as much as I can, go shopping till the purse empty, capture the view of every corners in the LAB and many more which I'm not sure will I have enough time for all of that. So now, I'm making the lists of important things to do and that list makes me feel even worst! urghh.. Maybe I'm worried too much. Hope everything's gonna be fine.

p/s: thanks for helping me making the list. it really helps :)

Towards a dream!

As I write this, I'm laying on my bed listening to Delta Goodrem's songs blast at me through the headphone. What a lazy day, I call it no-purpose day, as for example, today I go to Jusco with my house mates looking for anything to buy. So, apparently, we walk and walk until we find something to buy. Then we end up at the shoes compartment and guess what, we're all buying the same sandals, only different in colors. And then, my room mate (k.tim) suggests, "lets make it a present to ourselves." Just so you know the mall offering free wrapping service, so we ask the worker to wrap it all. What a crazy idea. Oh, there's a funny thing happens while we're waiting the worker, somehow k.tim says, "yeay, I got a present from myself!" very excitedly and just as loud as for a man beside us to hear that, and then he gives us kinda weird look and finally smirks. He must be thinking that we are sort of out of mind, buying ourselves present. Then we just ignore him, like, who cares! hahaha..

So recently, I've been keep repeating Delta Goodrem's songs and my head has been spinning with it since. I'm kind of easily fascinated to singers that play piano in their songs. Like Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles, Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, Westlife's You Raised Me Up, Written In The Stars and many others. I just can't help to admiring their piano skills and I always dream that someday I could play it. Then, it was one day on last week, it triggered something in me, an idea of how I can start learning piano without going to class (which may require a little of a PhD-student's time) nor buying a keyboard so I could practice playing (which will require some big amount of money). And the idea was; through VIRTUAL PIANO! *ting* the idea came just like that. Why it never came out of my mind before. But actually the idea came after I watch a YouTube video where they were playing songs using the Google Doodle Guitar. So, I was curious, if there's virtual guitar, there might have virtual piano too! Never mind. It's better late than never right. So I started playing the simple songs for beginners like Happy Birthday, Brother John, Twinkle Twinkle and I can't help feeling so excited that finally I'm now on my first step towards that dream! But playing with virtual piano is a little bit difficult though, as you need to remember which keys on the keyboards represent the notes, but I don't mind, as long as I can play it! hehe..

p/s: I've always wanted to learn how to play the piano and read sheet music so I can play my favorite songs.

Unconditional love

They say, a mother's love is the greatest, beyond any comparison. It is unconditional and forever. I learn that while I grow up, but I have never really contemplated how great my mother's love to me until last week. For the first time in my life, I realized that if that kind of love doesn't ever exist in this world, there's no way I could stand where I am today.

The school holiday has just begun, so I took the chance to go back home again, although I just went home on two weeks before. The desire to meet my family this time was driving me mad actually. I don't know why, do human often get homesick as we get older? I'm not so sure bout that either, but I'm really sure that it happens to me. So, this time the house was quite noisy as everyone were there, except my brother and his family. It was like the other night, we sat together having dinner except that we still continuously chatting although each plates were already empty. Cause we talked about very interesting topic, which like flashing back of our childhood memories. Everyone had their own story, like my younger brother, he cried at all days of his first week at school refusing to enter the classroom, instead begging the teacher to sit with his sister in her class. And my sister, she fell of from her bicycle into a big drain which left her a permanent scar on her chin that remain until today. After that, my mom told a story of mine. A story that I nearly forget. She told me, how hard it was back then to make me go to school. Every morning, she had to wake me up at least an hour (I think) before I woke up. Then, she had to drag me up to the bathroom, bathed me while I was keep knocking her hand aside from pouring the water to me (and that caused my mom's clothes all wet too). Then, she wore me the school uniform, and while wearing me my socks, I kept kicking as a way of protesting cause I really didn't wanna go to school. And she said, as I cried, my mom cried too. When she told me that, I feel like wanna cry badly. All those memories were slowly coming back into my head along with others. And slowly I realized that how bad me as a daughter, did that to my mother. I feel like I want to go back on those time and change everything. Or at least, count how much pains that I hurt my mother, how many tears that she had cried, cause I want to hurt myself back the same pains and cry the same liter of tears. But I can never do that. I know that I can never make it all right.

I don't want to make her cry anymore. It's all enough, all the pain that she had been through, I will never let her go through again. It's a MOTHER'S LOVE, is why we are here today. Sometimes when we have succeed in life, we forget that behind the success there is a soft hands that have always supported us when we are about to fall down, a wrinkled face that has always threw a soothing smile when we're having a difficult time, and a best friend that always be there for us.

p/s: when I become a mother, will I be as strong as her? As patient, as determine and as loving as her?