Dream

Two years in grad school has taught me so many things. If before grad school, I did every thing as told, but now no one is there to tell me what to do. I choose my own path, do things in my own way and decide what will I become after finishing grad school. After these two years of living in blur, I can only now see the future me. Yes, two years of adapting, I can't believe I'm saying that now. Only now I feel how badly I want to put on the robe and a bonnet and receive a PhD scroll. Only now I feel how badly I want to have my name on the first author's list on a journal article. Time has fly like a blink of an eye, sometimes I even ask myself, what have I done for the past two years.What have I achieved. Am I improved as a person. Am I growing up to a better Muslim. Did I treat my body well. Am I enjoy living my life. What have I given to people surrounding me. How much pain have I done to people. And yet, I can't think of the answers as if the two years ago is just happened yesterday. I know I have to change, stop feeling so comfortable in my safe zone. I'm getting old and I want to do something as I grow up. And I have a strong feeling that now is the time. And pray for me that I will stick on this until  my hair turning grey.

So, not much of my life's update, now I'm enjoying swimming very much. I feel strangely calm inside the water. If there is a sunscreen that can protect my skin from sunburn like forever, I wouldn't mind spending my whole day in the pool. But, sadly just by 'sunbathing' for two hours a week my skin has now started developing freckles in addition to a tanned skin. Tan is okay for me but freckles, I'm not sure if it will disappear. Well I'm an Asian, I think freckles and Asian are not a good friend. I hope so. Oh, and I have improved my freestyle, and yesterday I swam 50 m freestyle non stop for the first time! I'm so not gonna quit swimming. This is the only sport that I have passion for after all. Swimming made me happy, but guess what there is other thing that make me happier. My three little cute new friends from the street. A mother cat and her two cheeky little kitties. I started by leaving some kibbles beside the bin to stop the stray cats from scattering the rubbish all around. Now they are waiting for me everyday for food. One is wearing a black mask like a 'batcat' and one wearing stockings. Their mother is totally black with only a small white patch on the neck. They always made my day, seeing them every morning before going to the lab, and all my tired and stress from the lab are just vanished when seeing they eat. I always tease them with the shoelaces as well, and yeah, like all kitties they are very playful even though they are still scared and still hissing at me especially the mom. 

Those are things that make me happy in the meantime. I guess blending in with nature that makes me happy and calm. Cause they all worship and praise Allah. 'He is Allah, the Creator, the Maker, the Fashioner: His are the most beautiful names. Whatever is in the heavens and the earth declares His glory; and He is the Mighty, the Wise. 59:24'

Hoping for a miracle in my research, a year for collecting good results. My supervisor always says that what makes a PhD is mostly the results of the final year. I think that is happening to me as well. See you guys then!

The image of my dream.

My painkillers