Pencuri

Someone said to her, if you really love someone, you don't expect anything from that person in return. She has chosen that way. Despite everything that had happened to her in the past, She couldn't help but giving herself another chance. When she made that decision, she realized the consequences that she might  face. She have tried her best to not putting so much hope and not expecting to much. But it was hard. Day by day, she was starting to forget all that. Her hope, her expectation on it, was growing like nothing can ever stop it. When something really happened, she felt so terrible, even the simple things. But she know she doesn't even has the rights to feel like that. Because it doesn't even exist. It is something she created in her mind and in her dreams.

Getaway

There was one day, that I felt like going far away. Off from reality that sometimes makes life too hard. I felt like getting away from people I know. Just me surrounded by complete strangers, getting lost and finding way back. But it would be too challenging if I escaped alone because my sense of direction is totally hopeless. I would end up lost and never find way back. So I need a travel partner. Though her sense of direction just as the same level as me, maybe just a little bit better than me, but at least we lost together. Lol! It was actually Kak Tim's idea for the getaway. And it seemed like I need a getaway too. So here we go, Singapore!

Actually, it was like an impromptu trip. We didn't really research too much about Singapore and we didn't even have specific location to go. We were just the two backpackers, travelling on buses and trains, seeing people and places, trying their food and taking lots of photos. We first headed to Orchard Road.

Orchard Road

Where we had our lunch.

Then we headed to Bugis Junction (like the Petaling Street in Malaysia). We were looking for a Masjid here when we stumbled upon a sweet girl (a Muslim) that was on her way to her school. She offered us to follow her to her school's musolla. She's a fashion design student and it was my first time going to art school and I really like the building concept.

Bugis Junction and the art school

Then we went to the Vivocity at Harbour Front cause Kak Tim wanted to eat the Max Brenner's chocolate. We ordered a glass of chocolate hazelnut milkshake and a large plate for sharing and had so much trouble finishing it all. But it was a very worth of try for a chocolate lover. The milkshake was so thick, creamy and rich in flavour. And the chocolate dip was super delicious!

The Max Brenner's.

The China Town. I don't remember how we got here. I think we were lost. Hahaha.

The Harbour Front.

The Harbour Front was our last place. After eating chocolate we went to Masjid for prayer. Alhamdulillah, though it was actually quite hard to find a prayer room, but it seemed like Allah had showed us the way. First we met the Muslim girl, then at the Harbour Front I thought the worst case I have to pray under the stairs. Then it turned out that there was a Masjid just about a walking distance from the Vivocity.

This whole Singapore visit is a total new experience to me. Like expected, we have lost, found way back, took a lot of selfies (lol!), walked by the company strangers. We left all our problems behind, laughed, talked and laughed again. Actually I got a call from my supervisor, and decided to ignore it. Haha! And we learnt the struggle experienced by the Muslim community here. The prayer room at the art school was actually just a very small compartment at the basement that can accommodate less than 10 people at a time, with the horrible large strands of electrical wiring with a 'Danger' sign on the ceiling. Can you imagine that? And a Mak Cik from the Vivocity said every day she just performs her prayer under the stairs because the mall didn't provide a prayer room. And I felt so blessed living in my country, we're so comfortable yet still forget to be grateful. Thanks for this feeling, Allah.

p/s: just so you know, my travel partner is single. She's a PhD holder, currently a lecturer. If you're interested leave a comment :p

p/s2: kak tim, ampunkan saya!

Letter

I have been writing to my best friend, Fizah through e-mails these few weeks because she's now in Japan. She wrote me first because at the first place she wanted me to check on her English. So we have been changing few e-mails. Somehow at this point, I'm becoming in love with writing to her because first, we don't have time for gossiping like the old days anymore because she's way too far. Second, there's more and more confessions are being made like why I did that to her and why she did that to me back then before she got married and moved to Japan. And that was really interesting. Third, it inspires me to write in this blog again (after the long silence). So I would love to share one of my e-mails to her (she would kill me if I show you what she wrote me..hehe). Just to remind myself too, that when the time comes where I need advice, I would come here again and see the words I have written to someone before, because I might need it for myself.

Waalaikummussalam nenek,

Unfortunately i dont like dark chocolate but milk chocolate also counts right?

 

I'm glad that you have come to your right mind now. So, somebody has got a fossil watch, damn i feel like i wanna have a husband too. hahaha.. i know that feeling when your friend is ahead of you on something. it happened to me on the day you told me that you're getting married and back then i was just being dumped by that jerk. sorry about that. i know i have been too mean by showing 'stone' face to you, because honestly, i just can't even smile at that time. i'm so jealous of you. you just came at the wrong time, the time when my heart was being crushed to pieces and eaten by cat (haha that is too hyperbola). anyway, i was still feeling guilty about that, i'm sorryyy. i didnt mean to, i swear. you know, after that, i knew you were very mad at me. and you never tell me anything about your wedding anymore. i felt sad, and i regretted that i have done that to you. but i'm very bad at apologizing, i'm sorry. as a friend, off course i want to know everything about it, how your husband finally decided to marry you, your wedding planning, and all that small stuffs. but that's okay, i didnt blame you if you didnt want to tell me anything because that was the price i have to pay for hurting you at the first place. huhuhu. 

so the point is, in our lives, we all see other people's successful and happiness. off course the jealous feeling is inevitable, but it doesn't mean that we have to locked out ourselves in a room, think about people's achievement, then feel that we are nothing compared to them. make it as inspiration, and take action for ourselves. don't just think that you don't have what other people have but instead remember that there is something in you that other people don't have.

i just finished reading 127 hours, a true story where aron ralston had to make a hard choice by cutting his own hand after being trapped and crushed by a very large stone for 5 day without food or water. i think you should read that. i can give it to you when you come home later. the story is very inspiring. it teaches me that no matter what happened in our life, even if it is the door to your death, dont ever give up. keep trying even if it means making a hard choice and leaving it in the past. because 'saying farewell is also a bold and powerful beginning' (aron ralston).

Have a nice day friend,

Hasma.

Bilik kecik, lab atas bukit.

p/s: I miss how we used to sing 'come on barbie, let's go buddy, ah ah ah yeah'  when we wanted to go somewhere.. hahaha..

Fear

She’s been doing a lot of thinking these days. Drown in her own river of thoughts that sometimes she lost her breath, suffocated. And that’s when she hardly had any sleep.  It has been approaching a year, unbelievably. She has lost her sense of hope since that day. She has promised herself that she would stop expecting too high on people. But being herself, it isn't easy. She trusts people easily, loves people too easily, that’s in her gene. So when she did, she didn't realized that she started to expect more and more. Till it cut right on her eye, and bled in her heart. Then she realized that she hasn't kept her promise all this while. Then she realized that she has been expecting too high. Was it too late now for her to go back on the empty, hopeless path that she has promised herself to walk through till the end? Because now she found the current trail is too appealing, irresistibly attractive. Yet she’s afraid, too afraid that the path would again lead her to same high cliff once she used to fall off..

Sweet September

They say good things take time, but great things happen in a blink of an eye. Alhamdulillah. September is being so nice to me. I always love September. Despite it is the month of my birth day, lots of good things happen too.  I know some people won't believe me if I say that I'm quite a daydreamer. Yes.. I really am. So, on the day that my lab mates bought me a cake, I was actually had an imagination beforehand, that I would be the happiest person on Earth if they bought me a cake when we were having raya dinner at Kak Shal's place. But I thought I could only dream it because there would be a lot of other people too and there would be lots of food. But when the cake came out, it was just like a dream come true. I swear my heartbeat stopped for a few seconds and when I woke up the cake was already in front of me. I had no idea when or how it traveled. Lol!

Then, my friend Anis came way from the North. So when girls meet up, the world is ours. It was great to catch up. We hung out, window shopped, watched movie, went to lots of places and brought up all the memories during our undergrad school. It has been four years unbelievably, yet it feels like yesterday we went to the classes together and took exams.

And guess what, I have found Manja! And omg omg shockingly with her four kittens! I was really really grateful because all this while I have been praying to God to keep Manja save (okay feel free to laugh now, I won't be offended). And I'm totally impressed as she was able to rise her kittens healthily and they are playfully cute! Subhanallah!

And this week I got another surprise. A birthday present flew all the way from Japan! It was a Fossil watch. I love you Fizah! I swear I'm gonna cry when I opened it. I was actually feeling guilty because I have been busy lately. And I have less time chatting with her, then I feel like I'm a bad friend. I wanna buy a plane ticket to Japan right now!!! Huuuu... Actually it came at the right time cause currently all my watches' batteries were dead. Lol. Arigato gozaimas Fizah!!

Well apparently, I was like actually thinking, why all these great things happened at once. I couldn't take it anymore (okay this is tipu.. hee..). Indeed great things happen when you least expect it. Alhamdulillah, I feel so grateful for this great feeling, for having damn good people surround me. I pray that we will always be blessed, and this bond will never be broken. May Allah guide us all to Jannah :)

 

p/s: don't wake me up when September ends. September please don't leave.

The bosom buddies

I feel lucky to have a circle of people who always be so kind and sweet to me. They are the reasons I smile. The reasons for me to get on with life when I'm at the very deep bottom. The reasons for me to keep walking in this difficult path of my life because I know they are always there behind me. The reasons I treasure friendship more than ever.

p/s: They got me a birthday cake! Thanks guys. It did surprise me, I didn't expect it to come really. That was really sweet of you guys and I couldn't stop smiling :)

(credit picture to kimi)

25

What I love about birthday:

1. Mother's prayer is the first thing I love to hear.
2. Waiting for who is gonna be the first person wishing me 'Happy Birthday'.
3. People wishes and prayers really make my day. It shows that lots of people care for you isn't it?
4. When I don't allow Facebook to remind my friends when my birthday is, there are still few friends wish 'Happy Birthday'. That's really sweet. It reminds me that when someone really care for you, they don't need anything to remind them.
5. Birthday never just an ordinary day. Even how much you want to pretend it to be, it will always come to mind that today is a special day for you.
6. Perhaps when lots of people pray for you, you will feel blessed. And you will be going through the day with no difficulties, works seems easier, time seems to move slow and it will be the most productive day in your life.
7. When the sun is about to set, you will finally realized the special day would end soon and if only you could stop the time, you would not let it ends.

Yes, it was a great day. Even without cakes or presents.
Happy 25th birthday to me!

Wish I have this..

..or this! ^^,