Blow the sadness away

I never give so much thought of me going places and seeing spectacular scenery like on the desktop wallpapers, posters and tv. Never dream of that though. Well, just couple of days ago I went to the most magnificent place that I have ever been in my life. It is called the Great Ocean Road, a 243 km stretch of road along the south-eastern coast of Australia. No words can describe how stunning the scenery, how beautiful the earth, and ultimately how great the Creator is. Throughout the drive, I saw a lot of things that I have never seen before and somehow I was lost in my own thought, feeling like I was in a fantasy world. And being close to the nature, I feel strangely calm and peace. Because all creatures always praising Allah, we'll absolutely feel very peaceful when being around them. Feeding the parrots, seeing the cute sleepyhead koala, feeling the freezing-cold breeze blowing through my face and blowing the sadness away (how I wish it will be blown off forever) ans witnessing the live breathtaking scenery like a really large painting on a canvas, it was a priceless experience.

p/s: hoping for a piece of rainbow after a long rainy day.

I really want to go home :(

Is it wrong to hate myself? Because that is what I've been feeling these days. I don't know whether that's a normal feeling. I hate myself for being so stupid, I feel like I don't know a thing. I'm asking too much, each works need to be guided, I work very slow, and always doing mistakes. I feel really dumb. Even I had been trained, I still can't remember to do it myself, I'm too dependent, and I hate being that kind of person. I'm stressed out in that lab, I have no friends, I don't know how to start a conversation, I don't know how to respond, I know nothing! I smile but crying inside. I want to go home badly. I don't wanna be here anymore :(

Setting with the Sun

"Sun, please give me a ride for just 2 hours. I really want to see him."

If only I could say it to the Sun..

Shed the tears away, have a little faith.

Having faith in someone is hard. It may take years. But losing that faith is even harder. Cause I believe that years of knowing that someone is long enough for building invulnerable core of the trust. I know that my faith in someone is being tested. Yes, I do admit that initially I felt doubt, uncertain and like betrayed. And being far away from home, it just like makes thing worse. I felt so alone, like being ignored and like I wanna do reckless things. At this time, I felt so close to Allah. There's might be no one beside me, but I know that He's always there. I pray for the best and to show me the right way. With that little faith, I shed the tears and chose to confront instead of trusting other people or digging the truth if I want. Because I have encountered so many obstacles, cried so many pains and learnt so many things along this way. I just hate to let that little bug ruins every single blooming flowers. It's just too unfair to totally believe in what people say without giving a chance for the person to defend her/himself. So, I just follow my

heart and I'm pretty sure that was the best thing to do. I'm hoping that this happened for some unpredictable good reason that will come at the right time.

p/s: I believe in fate, and to Him I rely on. Please give me the strength.

Same, old pain..

I really can't think of what should I do. Do I have to believe on what they say? Should I just ignore and pretend that I've never heard anything? But the pain is just hardly to be ignored. I really don't know what to do :'(

collecting jar of words

Hey people. Its been a while right, how's it going? I wasn't feeling so well last week, so the driving force for writing in here was ZERO. And now, I feel like writing again, cause this is the only thing that keep me alive and wake me up from this long long sleep. Haven't written for these few days was long enough for making me feels like DEAD. Actually I can't believe it myself, probably because I never take writing blog very seriously. But after all, I might re-think that writing is actually something that instead of just for fun and maybe a way for keeping my friends up to date with what's going on in me, it is something that refreshing my mind and may be I can say as a way of conveying my feelings and ideas. Then, there's a feeling, a positive one, that comes when I click on the 'publish post' button. It's kind of satisfaction or relief I guess. Yeah. Correct. Now I'm falling in love with writing! haha.. freak!

The first thing that I was hoping for when I arrived in Australia was, I don't wanna get sick. So, I made the first two weeks up with very excellent health, though my room mate got flu, my antibody done a great job killing those antigens. However, when all people in the house started to get infected, means that the antigens were now growing into a huge strong group of army soldiers until my antibody were lost in the battle field. So, I sickly sick and lab works were crap cause my head had been spinning like 13000rpm at 4deg. But alhamdulillah, now I'm getting better cause I took the pills. Yeay! For the first time in my life, I took the medicine without hesitate. (p/s: that will only happen if I am in the other continent, far from family + don't wanna waste dollars on hospital bill).

Been tested with sickness actually makes me realize that I own nothing in this world. And because of that, it makes me think and think, am I grateful enough for the gifts that have been showered to me? Sometimes there are times that I don't actually think, or remember all that I have ain't actually mine. But when one of them is taken, even for a sec, then we'll naturally be waken up. That's the beauty of Allah's way of testing us, not to make us suffer instead to wake us up and obviously shows that He loves us. I'm grateful that I'm a muslim, because we know what is our ultimate aim. And when we are suddenly off the right path, He will show us the way. Only it will depend on us, ignore the sign, then you will be astray.

p/s: love the barakah of Ramadhan.

The contrary

In Australia, I notice a lot of things that is wayyy different from my country:

1. Drivers will responsibly stop their car if they see you want to cross at the zebra. So, apparently it's safe to cross the road without looking at the right and left and right again, as long as it's on a zebra cross ~ I will definitely have to change the habit after going back to Malaysia.

2. People will greet you whenever you are making transaction with them (eg at the bank, cafe, stores, even the cashier will ask 'how're you doing today') ~ a little bit awkward at first, like, err do I need to answer that to the perfect strangers?

3. Birds and cats here are so BIG ~ I feel like wanna catch and bring them home.

4. No wild cats or dogs are left wandering on the streets ~ never see one.

5. You can find a tree with nothing left but only branches, or a tree with only the fruits left. And they're so beautiful.

6. You can't throw the rubbish just like that, you need to separate things that are reusable and recyclable from the things that are non.

7. Foods left on the table during winter won't spoil even for a week! ~ so, save your time and energy by cooking for a week..hehe..

8. Smokes coming out from your mouth when you speak ~ excited at first..hehe

9. Lots of chocolates!! Cheap and taste great!

10. Kissing couple in public (even in the campus)..errk!

And in the lab:

1. All standard buffers are prepared by the technician and you just have to pick up a bottle and pour it and use it. ~ what? I feel so excited to go to the lab everyday, and finish my PhD.

2. You won't need to wash the used glass apparatus cause there will be somebody clean up for you. Put your dirty lab coat in the right place and they will do laundry for you. ~ heaven! they even have a 'labmaid'

3. You will be given a lab coat, a bench, a set of pipette and an office desk with computer (except for us) ~ I can offer myself to work forever at lab like this!

4. Lab manager will do all the ordering for you ~ frequent cases of fighting with suppliers can be avoided.

5. Order a set of pipette today, will receive it tomorrow!

6. Falcon tubes, weighing boats are thrown away after used ~ what a waste! I want to collect it all and bring it to my lab.

Wayyyy too different doesn't it? Now I know it's true that we will discover and learn so many things as we travel the world.

At my favorite spot. Love the trees :)