Faith

It would be no happy ending in my story this year. Back then,everything was so colorful from the beginning until the cold December ruined the entire year. I was having a rough patch. The same patch that I went through four years ago. I guess I will never have a perfect final year where everybody enjoying every single days while thinking that they will be graduated and leave the school soon. I was so weak, same as before. Those words are so hurtful, same like before. It felt like being in a really bad dream. Damn I want to run and wake...

A letter

I wrote a letter yesterday Just trying to explain Couldn't find the words to say Cause you are so far away, so far away I wrote a letter yesterday It's so hard for me to face That it had to end this way But my love will never change, will never change When I search my soul to find the truth About the love we shared I wonder why you're no longer here You can just walk away But I don't feel the same My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you And those feelings will never fade I can hide my pain I can never hide the way I feel...

The story of us

8 years ago, we were probably at the place where we were first met. It was in high school. I can't remember, when or how could we become so close. We did everything together back then. You were so childish when you were actually really mad at me if I was being closed to other girls or if I went to eat without waiting for you. And you won't be speaking to me for days. I was really bad cause I didn't know how to respond but being just quiet until you came back to me. We used to talk about boys a lot. We loved to take a lot of pictures together....

Not my comfort zone

It's raining heavily outside. I'm here alone in this lab, far away from my comfort world. At very this moment, I really want to meet the person that created a Malay quote 'hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri' or an English that invent the cliche 'home is where the heart is' because they are so wise. On the first day, I was optimist. Confident enough that I can be very independent. Except that I was a little bit scared living in a double room in the hostel, that I read pages of Quran. Second...

Stepping stone

The effects of working out has now crawled in. Every cells are now craving for ATPs. And it cause this eyelids too heavy to be lifted up. But I have a date with my girlfriends today. We are going to fill this hungry stomach with good food from a wedding reception and watch a movie afterwards. Oh my, I can't remember when was the last time I went watching movies. I had a long shower after swimming today. I always do. And usually, I ate lunch after that and drifted away to a very deep, dreamless sleep. But today will be different. I'm going out and I'm very excited to see how far my body can go....

A kind of stranger

Last night my room mate stuck in the middle of a busy highway cause her car engine suddenly dead. And it was around 10 pm. Thank god she got a chance to pull over. So thought the engine oil was run out, she asked me to bring the engine oil.  And for the first time I drove alone on the highway (for your records, i'm suck in memorizing road and reading maps). I'm grateful that her location quite straight forward so I reached her without any difficulties. Unfortunately, topping up the engine oil didn't do any difference. We had no idea what to do. The traffic was so fast, like they were driving...

Shadows

Miss You More Than I'M Mad Cheryl Wheeler Darlin' I miss you more than I'm mad And I love you more than I'm sad And I need you baby so bad I want to come home to you I never meant to treat you unkind I never had no time to unwind Now in this bar it's empty and I'm Feeling alone and blue Someday we'll try to talk it through But right now if I were next to you I could find better things to do And maybe nothin' to say I won't be the victim of my own pride My heart is too big to easily hide It seems like my bed's unusually...

Dream

Two years in grad school has taught me so many things. If before grad school, I did every thing as told, but now no one is there to tell me what to do. I choose my own path, do things in my own way and decide what will I become after finishing grad school. After these two years of living in blur, I can only now see the future me. Yes, two years of adapting, I can't believe I'm saying that now. Only now I feel how badly I want to put on the robe and a bonnet and receive a PhD scroll. Only now I feel how badly I want to have my name on the first...

If this is a movie

I haven't been writing here in so long. I have been in foul mood for the last couple of weeks. That kind of emotion wasn't the bestest time for me to write off course. I feel like the works and experiments are the one that are chasing after me. Sometimes there are so much things to do that I finally sit quietly and do nothing as I don't know how or where to start. But, with only a year left of my official PhD ahead of me, with friends around me graduating, I need to chase after those experiments, simulations and paper writing. And it is even haunting...

My first car

Hiya! Introducing to you guys my new boyfriend ;) He's so black obviously. Alhamdulillah after a thorough of thinking and praying I have had my first car. Yes I admit it was not easy to make such a big decision. It is easy when the money is not a problem, but unfortunately it is not for a student like me. I think this was one of the biggest decisions I've ever made (after decision of doing PhD). When it involves thousands RM of debt, it is a big responsibility. This was the first time in my life when I think so deeply and look forward...

Two great things on the leap day!

Yesterday was leap day, 29th February, which occurs once in four years. Usually people will do something weird, special, or unusual on this special day. But I'm not that kind of person who appreciate special numbers especially dates much because I just don't really care. However, it turns out that several good things happened yesterday (off course without me planning it obviously). First, I got a phone call from shipping company telling that my goods a.k.a. my 'catch' from 6 months stay in Melbourne will be delivered. I was pretty excited because...

A magical place!

I know one magical place. A miraculous place where if I place one step in it, it feels as if someone has chanted me 'obliviate' charm like in the Harry Potter. I can't remember a thing about the lab, books or anything related to lab, I even never ever tried to remember a thing off course. And one thing that I love most about this magical place is it is filled with people that love me unconditionally. I could never find any places like that magical 'HOME' on this Earth I guess. My home isn't big. Isn't beautiful either. It is heated up to desert...

I'm homeee!!!

Hey folks.. I know.. I know.. I know.. Okay stop. Yes I'm pretty sure that the last time I checked on myself, I'm still breathing. I was landed safely in this lovely warmed-home country on 30th December 2011. It feels soooo good to be home! (at least I still remember how it felt back then, like I've never felt that way before) So about the silence..*sigh*..I swear I don't want to explain that (I don't even know how to though). Yeah it was me, I'd rather say that I was protesting. Repelling to everything. I didn't want to write because there was...