Summit

When I watched the film Everest, first thing that came to my mind was, what kind of fool were those people risking their lives to be on the highest summit for just not more than one hour. But then, I think I am no different than those mountaineers. Now I understand, the moment we acquire what we are fighting for, it is worth a thousand battles that we have fought for it. No wonder why so many mountaineers aimed to conquer all the seven summits although they are putting the lives at stakes, because the feeling of satisfaction is so addictive.

Alhamdulillah, I am very grateful for this blessing, for this feeling. This is the mountain I climb. The climb was never easy. The journey was too long. Sometimes in the middle, I felt I would never get to reach the top. I wanted to go back and choose a different road. I felt incapable. I felt too small and the peak was too high. I stumbled. I bled. I broke my leg. But all those pains were washed away the moment I reached the peak. I know I would have never been this strong if my journey was easy. This journey has taught me the meaning of patience and perseverance. This journey has grown me up. This journey has brought so many wonderful people to my life that stand together with me. This journey has taught me life lessons to prepare me in the future. All sweats, tears and bloods are paid off. This is the moment of my life that I would always proud of. A story that I would proudly tell my children, my grandchildren and great grandchildren, if Allah grants me with a long life.

PhD convocation, April 23, 2016, UTM

Sad end

There she goes again. Throwing herself from the cliff, with arms wide open. It's not like she doesn't remember the pain when her body hits the water. She knows, the pain is like having every piece of bones in her body cracked at the same time. But she is just being her. The same her. She wants to get rid of that feeling. She is trying all her might. But how could someone forget a thing, when they have to face it everyday. Even they don't face it everyday, how could someone ever erase a feeling? She could only pray that God will make the feeling dissappear.

She doesn't know what she did wrong to deserve this punishment. Her hopes are all gone. She wants to run away. She doesn't belong to that place anymore. She feels left out. The feeling when people surrounding you are making a distance with you. Then, there must be something wrong with yourself.

The only hope for her, is leaving that place cause she has been there for too long. All people she trusts have long been away from her. She has no one now. And that ground now seems like sick of her existence.

She has been wondering, one day, the day she would suddenly dissappear, no one would ever care. Because people go on with their life. That's how cruel life is.