The road not taken

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert frost-

In this journey, I observe so many different things along my way. I meet different people; some smile and greet me, thus becoming my travel partner, some used to travel together with me but then they have to choose different road, one had reached destination and end up the journey earlier, some just come and go, and some promise to stay with me till the end of this journey. I can't be more grateful that I've met such wonderful people and sharing wonderful moments. They are family, friends and special friend to me that once coming into my life, they will never be erased from this memory.

Back then in 2010, I have made the most biggest decision in my life, to choose which roads to be traveled next when I found they diverged in the middle. One seemed to lead to a very beautiful place with so many people took it, but the less traveled one was surrounded with bushes and thorns. It was the most difficult moment in my life. Knowing the fact that once I have chosen a road, I can't go back to square one, turn around and choose the other road. Finally, I can't believe myself that I have decided to take the less traveled road. People make crazy decision sometimes, but I knew that I will never regret my decision. Because I do believe that each roads have their own obstacles. They may showered with flowers and sunlight at the beginning but as we travel along it, it's only the matter of time when we will meet the rain and storm. So, I have decided to continue my study and no matter what it takes I will break a leg to hold a PhD. I can't deny that sometimes I keep questioning myself why am I choosing this way because I haven't seen any lights. However, I have a strong faith that it will turn out to be a blessing in disguise, InsyaAllah.

So, now I take a deep breath and walk through the door of another new chapter, with butterflies in my stomach, wondering will this new year bring me more laughs, loves and wonderful people?Will it showered with sunlight and rainbow or will it still be storm and thunder?

Am I a frog??

I can say that television is damn important today. Despite all disadvantages of how tv influences kids and etcetera, I think tv is the best medium for spreading knowledge (or gossip) and current issues that happen in this world. Gosh, I feel just like katak bawah tempurung, when people are talking about the current hot match; Malaysia vs Indonesia and all I can do is just be a very good listener which off course I don't have any points to interrupt. Plus, tomorrow is announced as public holiday due to our victory in that Piala Suzuki and guess what, I just knew it a day later! Arrgh.. I don't want to be an outdated person. I wanna go out of the tempurung. Can anyone lift that up from me? (means buy me a tv please..hehe)

A lost..

There will be a moment in life, when we are unable to spill out words in mind, when we want to say the last word so bad, but we can't talk, like our tongue is being paralyzed. At that moment, all we can do is just staring helplessly at the faces of our beloved, knowing the fact that we are now facing the inevitable death.

Last weekend, I had lost my grandma. She who was once walking with me in this journey of life, was now gone forever. Deep in my heart, I felt a true lost, lost of someone that I love. I had never felt this way before. Until now, I can still clearly see the moment of her soul separated from the body, like it has been captured in my mind. I can still feel the sadness, the quiet space, gloomy and empty.

My grandma was hospitalized 4 days before that, she had a high fever. She begged my mom to bring her home, maybe she knew that she will go soon. But she needed to be examined and treated. Two days later, she can't speak anymore, she became weaker and depended on the oxygen mask. That was the day when I got a call from my sister, I packed immediately and bought a ticket to Kedah. Just after I reached hometown, I went straight to hospital. Pool of tears formed in my eyes, as soon as I looked at her, laying weakly on the bed. She hardly breathed, and sometimes she opened her eyes, and struggled to speak to her daughters and sons but she was too weak to talk. Only the tears dripped from her eye. I could imagined that how badly she wanted to say her very last words to her daughters and sons, to convey her very last mom's advice and to say I love you for the very last time.

On that cloudy Sunday, we decided to bring her home, as the doctor said there's no room of hope anymore. As soon as she was lifted from the ambulance, as soon as the breathing oxygen was cut, she breathed heavily. My aunt whispered syahadah to her ear. And her breath became slower and slower until it was finally disappear. She wasn't breathing anymore, her body went stiff, just like sleeping. I can saw there were faces of hope in everyone, hoping that she just went to sleep. No one seemed to believed that she was gone. And my uncle woke us all up, "Mak dah tak dak dah ni. Mak dah tak dak.." (mom has gone). Sobbing and tears broke the silence.

That was the first time I ever witnessed a death, a death of someone I loved so much, someone I grew with. And it seemed easy, but only she knew the pain. The pain that can never be felt by any lived person. It make me realize, convince me, that everything except the Almighty Allah, will perish. Dear grandma, I prayed that you will be counted amongst the Companions of the Right. Your journey of life had ended and I, still travelling in this world of challenges hoping that one day I will end up this journey with a good ending.


In memory during my convocation day (Tok, Hathiah bt Hamzah, 1941-2010)

p/s: InsyaAllah by Maher Zain, a tribute to my grandma, she once loved this song :'(

Aaaaarrgggghhh!

Relax..cool..relax..easy..easy..breath in..and breath out..huhh!!

I hate this feeling..feel like I want to scream to everyone..sorry for those who has been affected. The devil has conquered my body. My sister has bought the linguaphone, something that had to do with learning English by listening, something like that, costing rm2000++ (and it has to be paid rm100++ per month for 19 month!) and she was just regretting that and it can't be cancelled anymore coz she's already received the materials. Gosh!! What she has been thinking? Are you that rich to afford something like that? Come on, our dad is only a rubber tapper remember! What, you think that you have a brother and a sister that can help you paying for that? Please, I'd rather buying you a laptop than paying that stupid thing. I don't believe that you can effectively learn English by listening. There's many other methods out there, why choosing that? I know, you're in learning process, learn to manage your own life, your own money and to make your own decision. I understand that, but I can't help feeling angry. I will attack the sale person, seriously, but I can't, and you're the victim..Remember dear, next time, never ever believe in sale person anymore. They will always sweet talk and promise this and that to you just to increase their sale. I bet they never intend to actually help you improving your language. Please, think wisely. Don't get easily influenced by that.

p/s: To my sister..Sorry dear, you bring this up at the wrong time..I was suffering from lack of glucose (due to fasting) and it all ended up with my babbling. I've never been that angry, I've never scolded you before..I know..I'm sorry..I was just out of limit..And I'm regretting it now..sorry for my harsh words.. Now I have to think the solution of this problem..plus my own never-ending problems at lab..*sigh*..

Alive!

Another boring day..Thank Allah I'm still alive..Starting the day by grabbing anything to eat for breakfast. And, luckily there's some bread, expired bread actually. Well, who cares the due date..As long as there's no fungi forming its colony on the bread's surface, so just assuming it still can be eaten. Two pieces of expired bread plus a bottle of milk, enough for making my breakfast in front of the computer.




Guess what is in the pic below? This may be a fungi species, I captured it growing on an agar plate in my lab. Pretty isn't it, forming colonies like galaxy or something. Well, I'm not that stingy to eat expired bread if they are contaminated this way. Only if I'm starving to death. Who knows, maybe one day there's war in our land like Gaza and that's the only thing that available to eat. I'm not hoping or praying for that. No no..it just pop up in my mind. hehe..



p/s: Gonna be busy today preparing detailed progress slides to my supervisor.

I wanna SING OUT LOUD!!!!

This boredom is killing me! Seriously it will kill me! Have nobody to talk to, no tv to watch, and I just feel like talking to anything near me and singing out loud. I've done with cleaning up the house, till nothing more needs to be cleaned of. I've cooked and finished up the whole meals that probably supposed for 3 persons and now I hate looking at my big tummy..ugh..suddenly I regretted that I ate more than usual just because I have nothing to do. I have called mom too, and my sister. It did kill the boredom once, but then just after I hung up, there's the silence again..I'm going crazy if this continues for another day or two.. If you guys really think that you can live alone, without friends, family, or anyone surround you, I guess you're just wrong. We need someone to talk to, someone to be your quarrel partner, or maybe your crying shoulder and yes suddenly I just forget why there's nobody bothering me while I sleep (well, somebody in the house, can't sleep if she hears some weird noise coz she will always imagine thieves are breaking in our house, whatever). Now I stuck up in this house while everybody's going back to their hometown. I don't feel like going to lab either, because I've loads of works that need me to stay until the night. So, I rather do it Monday so there's someone can stay with me. What can I think all this while is, if I happened to have a car, I will absolutely go out watching movie and shopping..oh..heaven!

I want to go to London!

There it is. This absolutely will be the next on my dream list. I want to go to London sooo bad! "Prof, can I go with you, pleasee..." If only I can beg my supervisor to follow him to IMPERIAL COLLEGE next week, I will! (why in capital?hehe..) I will do whatever he will ask me to do. Well, I had promised him to do refolding last week while he's on leave but I broke that promise! oh crap! How will I face him tomorrow.."err prof, I have some problem with my expression last week. My bacteria turned red in color, which means it might be contaminated with other bacteria. So I can't proceed with my refolding." Pretty convincing excuse eh. Hasmaliana, wake up! Don't even dream of asking that. You haven't got any active protein, you couldn't even finish the work your supervisor was asking for (yet), so better save it to yourself..(sigh!)

So, currently, I'm reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It's all begin after I watched the movie on cinema, and you know there's 2 parts of it. At first, I thought I can be patient waiting for part 2, showing on July next year. But everyone started to be curious and eager to know what will happen next. Until everyone in my lab starting to read the novel, and tell me the rest of the story. So, there's no patience anymore. I started reading it, and I can't help to become addict to it. And I can tell that reading the book while imagining as I am in their world (magic world) is way more fascinating. If you want to experience what I'm having now, read it! I insist!

My new second brand of heroin, off course the journal is the first (or is it other way around??hehe)

Enough with the dreams. Lets back to the real world. Uhuh, one more thing, do you know that I'm falling in love with Eugene Fitzherbert?


Gosh! He's totally gorgeous. Isn't he? Well, dreaming again..I know..sorry readers, I have no idea why I keep daydreaming lately..ok ok..that's it..that's it..full stop! (but I really want you guys to know that I really into him. haha..I'm crazy! Anyway, two thumbs up for Rapunzel!)

Lots of things happened last week, which have taught me that friendship isn't always perfect, but the misunderstanding and argument actually make it sweeter. It makes you know your friend better, yes, it really. And that actually bring two friends more closer (Seoul, 2010). And what most important is, it will always colour your journey of life.

p/s: Why I want to go to London so badly? Because..because..because of you ♥ =)

It's time to make mistake..

I just realized today that I have wasted my supervisor's money (about rm1000) just because of a very stupid mistake that I did to my experiment! oh my gosh! How silly I am! The kit's price was about rm2000 and half of it was wasted because I forgot to add 0.5 microliter of inducer into the reaction! (if you don't understand what I mean, the point is because of only 0.5 microliter inducer that I forgot to add, the experiment was a rubbish. If you have no idea how much the microliter is, it's a very tiny drop of water). But, luckily the particular work is not actually in my research scope. huhu.. I haven't told anyone, never, except my housemates. So to my labmates, if you guys read this, please pretend that you never know about this ok..hehe..

So, for me, research (or generally studying) is all about doing mistakes and learn from it. Am I saying this to comfort myself from this guilty feeling? hehe..kind of..but actually, it's true, isn't it? Say a baby learning to walk. He will never walk if he didn't fall at his first step. You won't get stronger if you never fail. We were always told to not fail because people will look down on you. But believe me that sometimes failure can be the best teacher. If you recall, Thomas Alva Edison took 10,000 trials before he could make a long lasting light bulb that we're having now. Instead of admitting to having failed so many times, he said, "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways how not to make a lightbulb." So, don't afraid to make mistake but analyze the failure, make a change and then try again.

Feeling, a priceless gift..

There are so many things in this world that can't be seen, nor can be touched and the existence are unexplainable. They are here but we never know how they were created in the first place, what are the building block that construct them and why they sometime come and suddenly vanish. But one thing for sure, they do colour the world. So, can you guys guess few things that possess these characters? Light, wind, sound, smell, desire are few examples. And the one that I want to talk about is FEELING.

Feeling lays beneath every person but do we know where the place is? No. We feel happy and sad, we feel love and hate, we feel enthusiastic and lazy. In certain moment, we love it when they are around, though sometimes they can be very annoying. The magic is they can't be chased and they will come anytime even though they are not needed.

So, last week, I experienced lots of feelings; happy, sad, angry, surprise. Here's my story:

I got my scholarship backdated from August, means I'm a billionaire! I was very surprised when I checked my account balance and suddenly I thought what I'm gonna do with that money. haha.. Funny that I never had such that huge amount. However, half of it should be saved to repay the allowance given by my supervisor.

So, that weekend I went to the mall and aim for a camera. hehe.. So finally, for the first time, I bought a digital camera. It's Sony Cybershot DSC-TX5 waterproof, freeze-proof, dust-proof, shock-proof, touch screen and it's pink! hehe.. I didn't do much survey before buying it actually. It just happened that I went to Sony shop, browsing over the cameras displayed and decided to buy it. And, I was happy! =)




Before that, I was having lunch at Kenny Rogers with Bai, Fizah and Samson. Actually we knew that the service was quite slow since the first time we ate there. However, we were craving for their marvelous macaroni and cheese, so we can't help to decide to eat there. And like always, we can't be patient anymore, thus we wrote a love note to the manager..hehe..

Then, Sunday, I prepared nasi ayam for lunch with my housemates, Fizah and Bai. It was actually our first time, but not bad. The taste is perfect, like professional cook. hehe.. Since we have bought a fridge, so that will be the turning point for us to start cooking. And again, I was happy! =)



Seems that the entire last week was perfect. However, some of my lab works didn't go well. It made me down, but I knew that research can't be smooth all the time. Never I think. And the failure actually wake me up from my comfort zone, make me realize that there's no life without test. God test me with His unique ways to tell me to be grateful. If you look in other way, sad and angry feeling are given by God to test our patience. Sometimes, no, I think I am always feeling angry with others especially my friends when they did something which kill my patience. But at the end, they are still my friends and what's the point to be angry while I still need them.

So good and bad feelings are all gifts from God, priceless gifts. It depends on us, the way you think, to control it and grateful for be given the feeling.

p/s: lazy mode..can't thinking of doing lab works anymore cause will be heading back to hometown tomorrow night! Can't wait! =)

Go green..

This will be a longer weekend because today is Deepavali, means public holiday. Today, I am having an amazing day. From the moment I opened my eyes, I could feel the great feeling. I started my day with praying off course. Then early in the morning, right the warm sunlight welcoming the day, we were deciding to enjoy the fresh air by a little bit different way than the usual, by cycling. I just knew that in UTM we can borrow the bicycles from the guard. Thanks to our vice chancellor for his kind sponsoring rm10k for providing this facilities to the students. So, we were cycling around the lake and the herb garden, enjoying the smell of freshly cut grass though the smell of rubbish truck that passed by had spoiled it for second or two. Never mind, cause we were so environmental friendly today. Then we were cycling around the residential college, went to every corner that we never have chance to explore before. It was so refreshing. Once I was nearly forgotten all of messy stuffs in the lab. Feeling as free as the birds. As healthy as a baby.




Cycling is one of the cardio exercises, like swimming. Cardio means its good for our heart. When cycling, our heart rate increases thus increasing the blood supply. So, the risk of having heart diseases could be avoided. Furthermore, off course cycling will burn excess fats and help losing weight. A fact that I just knew about cycling after google it just now is that our body will release endorphin which known to cause pleasure and eliminate the bad moods. Yeah, that would be the answer why I was having a great feeling all day =)

During cycling, I saw someone was riding a horse and I haven't seen as so much car as the usual. Probably due to public holiday. Then I was thinking, how peaceful the world is if the car doesn't ever exist. If only bicycles and horses are transports that ever existed, there would be no pollution, no traffic congestion and no obese people.

Then, after cycling, I went to lab to screen my clones. And alhamdulillah, I have got the second clone! weeeeee!!!! :D

Enjoying weekend!

I just went back from watching Hisss. And guess how was the movie? It was totally suck. So, people, if you are intending to watch Hisss, I'll not recommend it. The plot is a mess and ridiculous, too much blood, the snakes are way too fake, the sound effects could probably causes heart attack and I ended up walking out from the cinema with so many unanswered questions in my head. What a waste of money. Again! Last week, I watched a so-not-worth-watching movie too, which is Cuti-Cuti Cinta. Sorry producer, it was boring and I couldn't help to fall asleep. What a waste! Oh..

Tomorrow would be the last day to enjoy weekend. Resting body and mind in the swimming pool sounds like a perfect plan for tomorrow. I hate when Sunday comes. I wish Saturday would be bottomless. I mean endless. Hehe.. Just remembered the bottomless drink we had at Nandos last Friday night, when having girl's night out. That day, I was really really planning to do window shopping. Damn it. The rm15 blouse was too attractive that I couldn't resist to buy it. So, I would blame Tized for selling at such a low price..haha..

Enough with movies. No more movies. No more shopping too. Cause I want to go home next week for raya haji and meet Qisya. Haven't met my adorable niece for 4 months. She must be grown up and clever now. Qisya, wait for auntie ok! Can't wait to see you!
Some pics of Nur Qisya Arissa..Enjoy! :)

Pantang nampak camera mesti nak posing..

Notty too !!

p/s: Btw, alhamdulillah..I already got one of the clones =)

Journey..

Lately, I was having some problems while working in lab, on getting to clone a gene into a bacteria. It's been months and I can't still figure out what was wrong. Is it the way I handle it or is the enzymes had damaged. But I'm pretty sure that there's nothing wrong with the enzymes. So I need to keep optimizing the conditions of each of the cloning stages. I am really hoping that by the time I have to go working in other lab, soon, I already manage to get the clone and the protein can be produced in soluble form. When thinking of it, of how much time left before I go, I start to panic. What is on my mind is get the clone, get the clone and get the clone. Someone talked to me the last two days and said perhaps when I just eager to achieve the target, I miss the small things. Too small to see but has a huge effect. So, I have to go back to the very basic principle. Look onto the every single details, understand each process and begin the troubleshooting. Now I have started practicing it and I realize that I have learnt more than before.

So is the life. When the world turns down on you, just go back to the nature (fitrah). Every soul will find peace if we remember The One who created the mankind. Pray, honest, be kind to people, give a hand to the weak, respect others and forgive. Yes, it is basic, all of us learned it at school, we have to practice good deeds, but do we actually practice it and do we really know why we were told to do that? For me, if you good with people, it will turn back to you. Let say if I am having problem in cloning for months while other colleague which do exactly the same work can get it in just few weeks, there must be wrong with my past behaviour. Maybe I didn't help people or I didn't forgive someone or didn't apologize for talking behind their back.

Hmm.. So, no more drMicrob cause I feel I do not deserve the title yet as I haven't managed to solve the simplest work in Molecular Biology which is cloning. I'm quite upset because there's much more challenged works waiting once I successfully clone the gene. However, I realize that this is called the journey of life, coloured with problems and challenges. They do make our path difficult, but at the end, the success will be more meaningful =)

Love your supervisor..aha!!

When supervisor is not around, going to place miles away from here for a quite long time, it was kind of happy and free surrounding at first. We were free to go anywhere we liked, for instance lunch at KFC without afraid of he might calling us, going to Jusco to do shopping when there's too much of free time (during the working hours, off course), playing games or updating blog during incubation time (obviously I did that), going to surau and never come back (wirid panjang a.k.a. zzzzzz) and enjoying movies at night without afraid that he might be asking, have you read this journal. It sounds crazy, but well, who wants to miss the once-in-a-year chance of working in the lab without being supervised. Nobody does. And we would dream that this will last longer. But believe me, it actually goes to the other way around! Why would I say that? It is because I feel that working with no supervisor around is like studying for the next year exam. Could you imagine that? There is no incoming force at all. So, now I realize that the every-week-meeting is not arranged for nothing. It really helps us to do experiments faster in order not to feel embarrass when there's no results to be presented to the supervisor. So, don't curse your supervisor when he/she keep pushing you to produce data although that makes you tense and want to jump out of window. But keep believing that without him/her, you won't graduate.

p/s: some friend start feeling bored when our supervisor is going outstation too long ;P

Why English?

What's up Mr blog? Today is weekend, and me, at lab, as always. After settling up everything in the house, laundry and etcetera etcetera, I went to lab with Fizah. Once again, I wish I have a car so that she won't need to wait for me (because I have problem with wake up early in the morning). I love to enjoy weekend in the house but since celcom broadband running hell slow, it induces me to go to the lab. Like I said, lab is my second home, but it seems like it is going to be my first home. And the house, just like a hotel. I go home to change cloth, take a bath, eat dinner and sleep. Hahaha.. I have never imagined that I will ever live this kind of life. But are there any other choices? No. So, be grateful and sacrifice for something that is worth sacrificing for :)

You will be wondering why all my posts are in English right? Sorry that if English will make you annoy to read, so if you annoy, don't read..hehe..because I'll try to consistently write in English. Why? My English is not superb, yes I know that. But I believe that practice make perfect. The last time I wrote an English assay was during the SPM, it was 2004. And imagine, this is 2010, it has been 6 years. I'm afraid that I will lose the skill if I never think of writing again. Actually, I never thought of it at first. Then, one day, the day I created this blog, I found a blog of a friend of my friend. It's in English. I was just amazed by her posts. She's very good in her words and I just envy her. I wanted to be as good as her, I mean good in writing in English. So I think, if I blog in English, my language may be improved one day, I hope so. So, drMicrob was created. But, I can not read her blog anymore. She has restricted her blog to invited readers only :( I'm a little bit upset. I don't want to be her follower either, cause she will read my blog, and it will entirely make me embarrass for my broken English. I just want to read her blog without even she knows about it. Is it possible?

It's me at the lab. Can't find me?

It's a life...

This is the most tiring week. I go to the lab as early as 7.30 in the morning and finish the works at 6.00 pm, and guess what, today I'm totally flat! Imagine working for about 12 hours, where sitting is just impossible because too many of works waiting, is this called a life? Yup, this is called a life of a PhD student..what? I can't imagine living continuously like this for 3 years!! Oh no, why today I just realize how hard the life is for a PhD student? Even I never thought of it when I decided to continue my study last year.

Sometimes, when I keep getting the negative results in experiments, and hearing that my senior's papers are kept rejected, (and including seeing my friends already graduated with masters..oh jelesnya!) it just brings me down. It's like someone has broken my heart to pieces and I don't know where to cry. (mcm putus cinta la pulak kan..hehe). But, when I remember all of Mak and Abah's advices, then I feel stronger. Thanks mom and dad for keep me alive. Calling mom is also a best remedy, though I never told her my story. I believe many of you will tell everything to your mom right, but me, I don't go that way. I don't know why, but I never tell my mom the problems I have faced. It's just I don't want her to worry about me. It's like I want to tell her that her daughter is ok and living her life happily.

So back to the so-called a PhD student's life, tomorrow I have lab's meeting and everyone have to present their progress report for the last 2 weeks. Actually I am in the middle of preparing my presentation slides, then suddenly out of nowhere, the idea comes and I feel like writing, maybe my brain just excited when the eyes are still opened at this moment of 3.00am, that it should be closed normally..I went flat on the bed after dinner just now, too tired, and when I wake up, it's still 12.00am. I'm so grateful that it's not Subuh yet, because I haven't prayed Isya' and prepared my presentation slides. So, till now, my brain and my eyes are still fresh. Well, I'm a night person. I can't remember when was the last time I stayed up at night and studying, it's been a while, maybe during my undergraduate studies. My routine was totally changed after doing postgraduate. Like my life has been reformatted. No more free time in the day, no more gossiping with friends at night and no more staying up late night studying, and I just miss that moment.

It's been quite a long time I haven't practicing study at night though I know that I'm a night person. Maybe because I have to go to lab early in the morning, and if I stay at night I will wake up late and end up with Fizah babbling in the morning or worse she will leave me..haha..that's happened actually. But, lately my supervisor always ask me, "have you read this journal?", and like always my answer is, "not yet Dr." huhu..It's a shame to answer like that actually. You have to be advanced than your supervisor, if you don't want them to think that you are not reading and you are not hardworking. So, if I can't study at night, then I have to use the time wisely during the lab. Maybe reading while waiting the sample to incubate.

So, this is my life, and I have to live it for the coming 3 years. Just hoping for the best, I want to finish up my study after 3 years. Yes, 3 years only, I promise to myself! (though I know it's hard..no..no..don't even think about it! I can do it.)

p/s: start feeling dizzy..haha..good night world..

p/s 2: oh no! I just deleted my last presentation slide unconsciously due to this dizziness..waaa....I really have to sleep right away..huhuhuhu..so stay up is totally a bad idea :(

For the second time..

Seeing someone I missed so much after being a while was really great, it was always like the first time. But the moment of separation was killing me. For the second time, I lost with my tears. While I was thinking back, it's a much much better if I did not see him. But off course I won't let the chance flies. Yes, sometimes when you miss somebody so bad, you do not want see him/her when knowing that he/she will leave you again. Now I know how's Bella hurts when first time Edward decided to leave because he can't protect her from the dangerous bloodsucking enemies. I can feel the same hole had been punched through my chest that is like can never be healed.

I know I should be strong to bear it. I should forget the distance that try to separate us. Be strong, patient, and have a little faith, that's what they always said. The long distance relationship was really challenging, but I know there are always good behind it. It may be better for us this way, we will never know the written fate. So, I wish I could go on with life, though it will take some times for things to go back to normal.

p/s : I really wish I have wings and can fly wherever I wanna go..

haish...

Everything's went so wrong..
I hate this..
I hate to do this..
But I can't help myself..
I'm a human too, easily get hurt..
I was just trying to ignore the pain, by telling myself it was nothing..
and act normal..
then it just make thing worst..
Arrggggggggghhhhh........

I am the real bad friend..

Sorry..

Waiting..

So, I'm waiting..

hope to hear from you when I wake up tomorrow..


p/s: thought I will have difficulty falling asleep tonight.

weeeee...... :) :) :) :)

3 things that make me happy today..oh, it's 4 actually :)



First, I have found template for my blog :)



Second, I went to driving school today for my praktikal motor, and I managed to pass all the rules (including start moto guna kaki plus double stand..haha..thanks to pakcik Nordin for teach me!). Have another 2 hours before QTI and JPJ test :)



Third, I got my birthday present!!

ECLIPSE!!!! :) :) :) :)

Thanks FIZAH, BAI & OJA, my dearest housemate..I love you all!!!
Tapi kan tadi tertipu la jugak ngan lakonan fiza atas kereta td..haha..dia tipu, dia cakap tak jumpa buku Eclipse kt MPH, jumpa buku P.S. I love You je..baru nak sedih coz dh demand Eclipse for my birthday present..haha..nasib baik tak tulis lagi nama besar2 kat buku tu..hihi

P.S. I love You a.k.a P.S. 1 2 3 (versi fizah,haha)
suka jugak buku ni..
(p/s: fizah, nnti nak pinjam ye..hehe :P)

And fourth......

Someone's coming back to Malaysia tonight :)
Have a safe journey..



P/S: 1, 2, 3..haha :D

Mr Template wanted!!

Haven't found the right template for this blog..I love the current template but you see, it's too small for the shoutmix and the mixpod..haih..anyone knows where I can find a nice blog templates?

p/s: who's interested for the template position please send your resume and will be called for interview ok..haha kan best kalau dia boleh dtg sndiri..hihik :P

22 years of love..

Thinking of the precious time passed by,
How perfect the written fate is,
The happiness on this journey of life,
That raised me up to the top of all,
And the obstacles,
That sometimes pulls me down to the lowest part,
But finally is the very best teacher,
That show me how life’s are coloured..

I could never be here now,
I could never hold a degree scroll,
I could never ever see the beauty of this world,
If there’s no you, mother..

You never told me your pain,
When I was born,
All I know is,
How proud you are,
To give birth to me..

I could never repay,
The 22 years of cares,
The 22 years of kind,
The 22 years of support,
And the endless loves,
I could never repay..

Now I am here,
Climbing to the very peak of success mountain,
Just to show you mum,
How proud I am to have a mother like you,
To show the world that you own the greatest daughter..

Mother,
Thank you for giving birth to me,
Thank you for raising me,
Thank you for showing me the way,
To the place where I learn the meaning of this life..



p/s: remember once my mum said to me, “mak paling sakit lahirkan k.ngah sebab kngah paling besar, 4.2kilo.” Though, I could see the love in her eyes and her smile, not even a single regret. I miss you mak. I love you.

Thanks to my abah too, for raising me, for educating me and for hitting me when I’m wrong. No one has ever been given more loving and unconditional support than I have been given by you. I love you too..

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1.6180339887...

From architecture to art, this number was applied. Surprisingly, from the creation of the Earth to the design of human and plants, the same ratio was discovered. The golden ratio, 1.6180339887!! It can't be a coincidence, it will never be a coincidence, it's impossible to be coincidence, but it is a strong proof of THE ONLY ONE GOD, ALLAH SWT.

Think of any 2 numbers, add the first to the second number to make the third, and add the second to the third to make the fourth. Keep adding by following the same rule until you get 20 set of numbers. Then calculate the ratio of the last to the second from last (last number divided by second number from the last). And you will get the answer close to 1.6180339887...

This is one of the uniqueness of the golden ratio. The golden ratio is the only number that the square can be produced by simply adding 1 and reciprocal by subtracting 1. It possesses many special mathematical properties including the mentioned above. The golden ratio is the most difficult to express in the fraction form and its digits are up to 10 million and never repeats!
(source)

More and more miracles of this number were discovered in the nature. From the heart pulses, the aspect ratio of DNA spiral, the design of the universe, the arrangement of leaves on the plant's stem called phyllotaxis, the snowflakes crystals to the spiral sructures of numerous galaxis, The Creator has always used the very same number, 1.618....!! The same number was also applied to the perfect design of the human. And the most surprising discovery, the golden mean point of the Earth is Makkah! The ratio of the distance between Makkah to the South pole to the distance between Makkah to the North pole is exactly, the golden ratio (1.618....) . And so the ratio of the western to the eastern line from Makkah.

(Click here for the interesting video)

p/s: Subhanallah..

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Pipette and tips..

I am thinking, what I have done for the past 2 days? Read journals? hmm..I think I just went through 2 - 3 pages, off course focusing on abstract, method and conclusion only (well, it's a quick way of reading journal - don't try this at home, it's not a good practice off course :P) Another weekend wasted *sigh*..why is it so hard to make my weekend valuable? I spend almost 2/3 of day sleeping!! hasma, wake up!! you can't be like this or you want your research to progress slowly? Yes, I don't want that. Remember your DREAMS!! But I had sore throat, not really sore throat, I can feel my throat swollen..even I can hardly swallow my saliva..that's why I need rest. Sleep has nothing to do with your throat..Come on, no more excuses..you should spend your weekend studying, not sleeping..you only have weekend to study, remember..The pipette and tips won't let you sit during the weekdays! oo..k..its my fault..I will make sure it won't happen again..huhu..I will make use next weekend to the fullest..no more sleeping, no more wasting time..no more facebooking..

Yes, pipette and tips will never give me a single chance to sit at lab..This two buddy are very good at their strategy on making me work, work and work..This companions are inseparable. Mr Pipette will always needs Mrs Tips, and Mrs Tips will never live without Mr Pipette. And me, my work will never get done without Mr Pipette and Mrs Tips..How important they are to me, though they always spoil my day.

For who haven't seen Mr Pipette and Mrs Tips, here they are:



(the blue one is called pipette, used to measure/suck certain amount of liquid, usually in microliter volume)

So tomorrow I will see them again, I love them but I hate them..I love them because they never betray me, but I hate them exist because I will never stop working as long as they are there..haha..enough with the babbling..I should be more grateful..it's my research, I have to love it, feel it, live in it no matter how hard..Research is all about making your own decision, so no matter what you have to fully understand it, love it with your heart and make it the part of your life..

So, see you tomorrow Mr Pipette and Mrs Tips..

p/s: hope for the better tomorrow..

Dreams...

Last night (not exactly last night, it's after subuh..hehe) I have dreamed of going to an interview. I don't know exactly what kind of interview, but it takes a very long long way to go there. I have to wait the train and have difficulties to take the train there (I'm not sure why train, but it seems like no other transportations..hmm..) But then at the end of the day, I arrived at the place with a messy mind (just like the real me, my mind just went messy whenever I have a long journey) then suddenly my uncle was there. He took me to the interview place, actually at putrajaya (now the situation was quite the same as for the last 2 weeks ago, when I attended NSF interview). I saw people waiting, as well as in the interview room, and the butterflies started dancing inside my stomach. At that time, I just realized that I have an interview..haha..it's kind of ridiculous but that's how dreams colouring our sleep. Sometimes we want to dream of someone we missed or something we want it to happen so bad, however we end up our night with a dreamless sleep, no matter how thoroughly you were thinking of that person or that something before you went to sleep. Because people said we will dream what we are thinking before sleep, but it not necessarily goes that way. Maybe depends on person too, but I am kind of person that my dream is not following my thought (ouh, I forgot to mention that I seldomly spend before-sleep time to think of anything..normally my eyes went heavy and my mind went empty whenever I put my head on the pillow and turn off the light..hehe)

Hmm..It was not exactly the kind of dream that I wanted to talk about. Actually what was on my mind was DREAMS..the wishlist, whatever we want to achieve in life. I believe every person have something to achieve in their live, no matter what position and what stage of age they are. The different is, some people just having that on their mind, and some write it on a paper and paste it to the wall so that whenever they feel down, by looking at it, it will raise up their spirit to achieve the dreams and help them to wake up. I do have several dreams/wishlist and I wrote it down on my pocket planner, fb page and as well as here. It does help me feel more enthusiastic to do works. I can't wait to see all my lists are crossed one day :)

1. Swimming
2. Playing piano
3. Have own car
4. Going overseas
5. Get my protein functioned
6. Publish journal/s
7. Get a phD
8. Get married!


p/s: the last one sounds desperate right? haha..

drMicrob

I have been thinking about having a blog for quite a while, but do I need purpose to create one, or else I just following the trend (well, lately i was reading some blogs of my friends, or even friend of friends, and it makes me realized that what a long time since I last written something..hurmm..) So, why not give it a try? Yeah, naming my blog as drMicrob, yes it do reflect me (for now and next 3 years or maybe my entire life)..so, welcome to my blog..hopefully I will continue updating this blog, so it's fate won't be like my previous one (act, i did create one last time, but well, its seems dead now huh..)

p/s: thinking of the theme for this blog..will it be like diary? or fact?

(sleepy..nyte mr Blog, I'll see you soon with new entry =)