My bucket list

I am 25 this year and I haven't made a bucket list. So, here we go. My bucket list:

1. Learn to play an instrument. I would love piano.
2. Master a new language besides English and Malay, visit the country and talk to the native speaker.
3. Get married and go honeymoon to one of the most beautiful island in the world.
4. Open a shelter for stray cats.
5. Get a PhD.
6. Buy a house with a mini library and huge wardrobe.
7. Perform Hajj and visit the land of the prophets.
8. Take my parents for Hajj.
9. Travel the world.
10. Take dancing lesson.
11. Camp in a jungle.
12. Try a business.
13. Go to a spa like a rich women.
14. Ride a hot air balloon.
15. Make and release a sky lantern.
16. Sleep under the star.
17. Sail on a yacht.
18. Play in the rain, or just enjoy standing in the rain.
19. Go skydiving.
20. Bake a cake.
21. Run a marathon.
22. Go ice-skating.
22. Experience weightlessness.
23. Gardening.
24. Do major renovation on my parents's house.
25. Try a niqab.
26. Design my own house and decoration.
27. Write a book.
28. Scream on top of a mountain.
29. Break a rule.
30. Kick negative habits.
31. Go hiking.

And I think the list will keep growing..

Ignite

I never thought it would be that hard. You, me and that little space. I was trembling yet my body was heating. I tried so hard to act and breath normally despite those feelings, but you are always cool in your way. You know how to neutralize the situation, making me comfortable. Then I woke up, still shaking and a bit lost. I wonder how much my blood was pumped as seconds go. I hope it was just a dream. Obviously something is wrong with me.

Morning thought

Yesterday, in our weekly lab talk, one of our friends started her presentation with a verse in the Qur'an which as far as I was in the lab, none of us have ever done that before. It's in Surah Yaasin:

All-Glorified is He (in that He is absolutely exalted above having any peer or partner), Who has created the pairs all together out of what the earth produces, as well as out of themselves, and out of what they do not know. (36: 36).

This is a common verse, I heard about this several times before but what crossed in my mind when I heard/read this was Allah has created a partner (jodoh) for each of us in this world. But I never thought the meaning of the later words which are '...and out of what they do not know'. So, our friend has actually related this verse with the protein that she is working on, which needs a partner to execute its function. Otherwise it is useless.

I'm working in a biology lab, by biology it means I work with the living things, and natural compounds produced by them, nothing's synthetic. Nothing's made by human but Allah. But I can't remember myself, like really think about Him when I'm working. And I rarely think that what I did and discovered has actually been written in the Quran, only I never search for it and relates it to my work.

I'm very grateful that I was born as a Muslim. Because I think Islam keeps me wise. I can feel it because when I had a long 'menstrual leave', I'm happy at the first couple of days when I don't have to pray, so I have more time to do my work and sleep too (haha.. this is so bad attitude). But then, I feel like deviated. Jauh dari Allah, although I never did anything too sinful. So, the first prayer I perform after a 'menstrual leave' will usually be the most high quality (khusyuk) prayer that I have ever performed in my life because somehow I miss doing it. I feel so calm, a kind of feeling like there's a light touching your heart and I feel so contented sometimes I can cry.

And another thing that make me grateful is the Quran. Quran is not an ordinary book because it is Allah's word. Whenever I feel sad or lonely, I love to read the Quran. I can't describe the calming effects. Reading the Quran, sometimes I feel like reading an amazing story book because there's a lot of stories in the Quran. Sometimes my imagination can be so wide when I read about the paradise (although the pictures of paradise can never be reached by human thoughts). Sometimes when I feel like I'm a bad person, I always stumble upon a verse that say Allah is the most forgiven as long as you seek for His forgiveness. And of course there's a lot of science facts inside the Quran I feel like reading a science book.

I felt disturbed yesterday for reasons I can't think of. Maybe, I'm worried about my research work, the more I did and discovered, the more I see the dead end. And I feel my destination is far far way to go. Or maybe because I have been slapped in the face a day before, when a friend helped me to see a point of view which I never think of before, about something that I keep hoping. So, last night I decided to do nothing more than reading a novel, watching TV and sleeping. Then enjoying this lovely morning, blogging and swimming. And finally hoping for great days ahead.

A lonely girl

I’m a person with few friends. It’s not that I hate making friends, but I’m definitely not the one that will start a conversation with strangers. Actually I’d like to but every time I intend to, I can feel my cells expressing adrenaline; I feel nervous, dizzy and that sort of things. I’m not sure if that is normal because if it’s not, I’m definitely an abnormal person. So I would rather forget it and stay quiet. I also don’t like to hang out with a group of people because I don’t know how to interrupt a conversation. So I will be the one who are just sitting in the group, being a great listener and making a lot of smiles and laughes. But I don’t like to be alone either cause it is so awkward to eat alone, shop and walk alone. So, all my life there were always be a person that will stick beside me and I call them ‘best friends’ though we never declared. I never asked them to stick with me though, so I always curious about it too.

So, my best friend has got married, alhamdulillah. I am the happiest person on earth because I know that she had been through a lot all these years. So it’s now the time for her to be happy. But I’m starting to feel so lonely now. I live alone in the hostel, my best friend has gone and I don’t have special someone that will check on me every hours. My phone never rings. I don’t get any texts except the ads from the provider. With no internet in my room, I’m officially an absolute lonely girl. It feels so awkward especially when I went to Jusco and do the shopping alone. You know the feeling when you are walking alone you feel like people are staring although they are actually not. Two routines I can not do alone in this world; shopping and having lunch or dinner. Oh, for your record I’m afraid of making decision alone. I need assistance even as simple as to decide which pair of shoes or piece of shirt I should buy. I shall get use to it though. Care to be my shopping and eating partner? ;)