It's a life...

This is the most tiring week. I go to the lab as early as 7.30 in the morning and finish the works at 6.00 pm, and guess what, today I'm totally flat! Imagine working for about 12 hours, where sitting is just impossible because too many of works waiting, is this called a life? Yup, this is called a life of a PhD student..what? I can't imagine living continuously like this for 3 years!! Oh no, why today I just realize how hard the life is for a PhD student? Even I never thought of it when I decided to continue my study last year.

Sometimes, when I keep getting the negative results in experiments, and hearing that my senior's papers are kept rejected, (and including seeing my friends already graduated with masters..oh jelesnya!) it just brings me down. It's like someone has broken my heart to pieces and I don't know where to cry. (mcm putus cinta la pulak kan..hehe). But, when I remember all of Mak and Abah's advices, then I feel stronger. Thanks mom and dad for keep me alive. Calling mom is also a best remedy, though I never told her my story. I believe many of you will tell everything to your mom right, but me, I don't go that way. I don't know why, but I never tell my mom the problems I have faced. It's just I don't want her to worry about me. It's like I want to tell her that her daughter is ok and living her life happily.

So back to the so-called a PhD student's life, tomorrow I have lab's meeting and everyone have to present their progress report for the last 2 weeks. Actually I am in the middle of preparing my presentation slides, then suddenly out of nowhere, the idea comes and I feel like writing, maybe my brain just excited when the eyes are still opened at this moment of 3.00am, that it should be closed normally..I went flat on the bed after dinner just now, too tired, and when I wake up, it's still 12.00am. I'm so grateful that it's not Subuh yet, because I haven't prayed Isya' and prepared my presentation slides. So, till now, my brain and my eyes are still fresh. Well, I'm a night person. I can't remember when was the last time I stayed up at night and studying, it's been a while, maybe during my undergraduate studies. My routine was totally changed after doing postgraduate. Like my life has been reformatted. No more free time in the day, no more gossiping with friends at night and no more staying up late night studying, and I just miss that moment.

It's been quite a long time I haven't practicing study at night though I know that I'm a night person. Maybe because I have to go to lab early in the morning, and if I stay at night I will wake up late and end up with Fizah babbling in the morning or worse she will leave me..haha..that's happened actually. But, lately my supervisor always ask me, "have you read this journal?", and like always my answer is, "not yet Dr." huhu..It's a shame to answer like that actually. You have to be advanced than your supervisor, if you don't want them to think that you are not reading and you are not hardworking. So, if I can't study at night, then I have to use the time wisely during the lab. Maybe reading while waiting the sample to incubate.

So, this is my life, and I have to live it for the coming 3 years. Just hoping for the best, I want to finish up my study after 3 years. Yes, 3 years only, I promise to myself! (though I know it's hard..no..no..don't even think about it! I can do it.)

p/s: start feeling dizzy..haha..good night world..

p/s 2: oh no! I just deleted my last presentation slide unconsciously due to this dizziness..waaa....I really have to sleep right away..huhuhuhu..so stay up is totally a bad idea :(

For the second time..

Seeing someone I missed so much after being a while was really great, it was always like the first time. But the moment of separation was killing me. For the second time, I lost with my tears. While I was thinking back, it's a much much better if I did not see him. But off course I won't let the chance flies. Yes, sometimes when you miss somebody so bad, you do not want see him/her when knowing that he/she will leave you again. Now I know how's Bella hurts when first time Edward decided to leave because he can't protect her from the dangerous bloodsucking enemies. I can feel the same hole had been punched through my chest that is like can never be healed.

I know I should be strong to bear it. I should forget the distance that try to separate us. Be strong, patient, and have a little faith, that's what they always said. The long distance relationship was really challenging, but I know there are always good behind it. It may be better for us this way, we will never know the written fate. So, I wish I could go on with life, though it will take some times for things to go back to normal.

p/s : I really wish I have wings and can fly wherever I wanna go..

haish...

Everything's went so wrong..
I hate this..
I hate to do this..
But I can't help myself..
I'm a human too, easily get hurt..
I was just trying to ignore the pain, by telling myself it was nothing..
and act normal..
then it just make thing worst..
Arrggggggggghhhhh........

I am the real bad friend..

Sorry..

Waiting..

So, I'm waiting..

hope to hear from you when I wake up tomorrow..


p/s: thought I will have difficulty falling asleep tonight.

weeeee...... :) :) :) :)

3 things that make me happy today..oh, it's 4 actually :)



First, I have found template for my blog :)



Second, I went to driving school today for my praktikal motor, and I managed to pass all the rules (including start moto guna kaki plus double stand..haha..thanks to pakcik Nordin for teach me!). Have another 2 hours before QTI and JPJ test :)



Third, I got my birthday present!!

ECLIPSE!!!! :) :) :) :)

Thanks FIZAH, BAI & OJA, my dearest housemate..I love you all!!!
Tapi kan tadi tertipu la jugak ngan lakonan fiza atas kereta td..haha..dia tipu, dia cakap tak jumpa buku Eclipse kt MPH, jumpa buku P.S. I love You je..baru nak sedih coz dh demand Eclipse for my birthday present..haha..nasib baik tak tulis lagi nama besar2 kat buku tu..hihi

P.S. I love You a.k.a P.S. 1 2 3 (versi fizah,haha)
suka jugak buku ni..
(p/s: fizah, nnti nak pinjam ye..hehe :P)

And fourth......

Someone's coming back to Malaysia tonight :)
Have a safe journey..



P/S: 1, 2, 3..haha :D

Mr Template wanted!!

Haven't found the right template for this blog..I love the current template but you see, it's too small for the shoutmix and the mixpod..haih..anyone knows where I can find a nice blog templates?

p/s: who's interested for the template position please send your resume and will be called for interview ok..haha kan best kalau dia boleh dtg sndiri..hihik :P

22 years of love..

Thinking of the precious time passed by,
How perfect the written fate is,
The happiness on this journey of life,
That raised me up to the top of all,
And the obstacles,
That sometimes pulls me down to the lowest part,
But finally is the very best teacher,
That show me how life’s are coloured..

I could never be here now,
I could never hold a degree scroll,
I could never ever see the beauty of this world,
If there’s no you, mother..

You never told me your pain,
When I was born,
All I know is,
How proud you are,
To give birth to me..

I could never repay,
The 22 years of cares,
The 22 years of kind,
The 22 years of support,
And the endless loves,
I could never repay..

Now I am here,
Climbing to the very peak of success mountain,
Just to show you mum,
How proud I am to have a mother like you,
To show the world that you own the greatest daughter..

Mother,
Thank you for giving birth to me,
Thank you for raising me,
Thank you for showing me the way,
To the place where I learn the meaning of this life..



p/s: remember once my mum said to me, “mak paling sakit lahirkan k.ngah sebab kngah paling besar, 4.2kilo.” Though, I could see the love in her eyes and her smile, not even a single regret. I miss you mak. I love you.

Thanks to my abah too, for raising me, for educating me and for hitting me when I’m wrong. No one has ever been given more loving and unconditional support than I have been given by you. I love you too..

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