Paint a smile

The feeling strucks me again. It is uneasy. Like wanna throw up. The feeling of hating myself. I wrote it on a paper, crumpled it up and threw it away, hoping the feeling can go away.I am confused. Sometimes I am hesitate, am I doing the right thing? If it is, why am I keep feeling so bad? Why am I not getting it right from the beginning? Lord please give me strength. A bit strength to fight with myself. To endure this feeling and to love what I am doing.