Tick tock

The moment will come in no time, and I feel nervous, wonder and kinda afraid when thinking of it. I have got too many things to do. Too much that finally I think that I wanna quit, do nothing and just let the time bring me to that day. The harder I chase those tons of works, the more mistakes I did and more hearts was hurt. In this situation, I realize how precious time is and 9 hours of working is now seems absurd. Right now, my mind is crowded with all the theories and strategies that come out of nowhere. It's so true that at moment of desperation, the idea will just come without me asking them to. But why come now, this late? I haven't got enough time to make action, even to think of it. How I wish that they appeared earlier and by now I can be smiling while waiting the day to come.

p/s: I feel isolated. Far from my family, even my friends. I feel empty, lonely. Is this just an illusion?